would you fight for love?

have you ever fought for love?
or do you think it's better to be noble? a gentleman?
walk away?

what if you know?
can you ever really know?
how?

do you walk away because you can't convince?
how easily do you give up?
this is not a theoretical question.
{feel free to leave your comments anonymously so that you can be as honest as you like.}
how hard do you fight?
how angrily do you walk away?

do you fall in love with people who are passive?
who just love the attention?
and you love giving it?
do you love to give?
or take?

would you fight for love?

do think passivity is pathetic? or endearing?
are you attracted to conceit or humility?
do you want your love to have a small ego or a large one?
do you want to fix people?

    "My love will change you."
    "It will be different for me."

do you think you're damaged?
broken? and no love can fix you?
how far do you go to protect your heart?

how's that working out for you?
do you think love is like making a decision?
do you believe you can fall out of love? like it's a tree? or the sky?
is it like when you pull the parachute string and it's not there?
or do you wash your hands and then it's over?
do you believe that the people you love live in a part of your heart?
and you in theirs?
or do you throw out little sharp things when they're getting close?
like, you think you love me, eh? what if I do this? or this?

would you fight for love?

what's the worst thing that can happen if you let someone in? all the way?
have you experienced a lot of betrayal? death? abandonment?
what it is about you that makes people leave?
do you enjoy making people go away?
does it tell you that you're right-- you'll always be alone?
do you think that because you're married you're safe?

would you fight for love?

can you ever be sure that love is yours to fight for?
do you think it's cowardly to walk away? or dignified?

would you fight for love?

is there dignity in love?

can you keep yourself intact if you're vulnerable?
do you think it's brave to be vulnerable? or horrific?
who in your life knows your tender spots?

can love be insured? do you have the secret? will you share it with me?

    do you think the gift is just to love, like without attachment?
when you begin to fall in love do you greet it as good news? or awful?
do you just fall into it freefall? or are you careful? how careful?

would you fight for love? would you?

when? why?
when is it the right time? the right thing?
how hard would you fight? do you throw a fair fight? a duel?

how do you know if you're ready to love again?
are you worth loving?
do you have a generous heart? or a conditional one? do you mete out love?
do you think love is vast? or manageable?
do you only love appropriate people?
do you have 'a type'?
did you marry the right person? are you sure?

would you fight for love?

have you ever settled? for the safe person?
have you ever been in love with more than one person at a time?
have you ever fallen in love with someone but kept it a secret? to everyone?
or did you tell one person? who? why?
is a secret love romantic? or repulsive?

do you think you can outsmart love?

would you fight for love?

when? would blood be shed? or merely tears?

do you think a broken heart can be mended? how about a shattered one?
do you think someone can steal your heart? how about a piece of it?
have you ever fallen in love with a stranger?
are you expressive? or stingy?

do you feel the same way every time you fall in love?
or does it happen with each person differently? is every love unique?
do you think love and sexuality are the same thing?
have you ever fallen in love with the incorrect gender to your sexuality? are you terrified of it? titillated?

would you fight for love?

when do you think it's the right time to tell someone you love them? what's the time frame?
have you ever said it first?
have you ever been met with silence?
do you throw the word around? love, that is.
or do you sprinkle it around like faerie dust?
do you wear your heart on your sleeve? or hold your cards close? how's that working out for you?
do you feel safe? do you sleep better because of it?

would you fight for love?

are you waiting for life to happen to you?
or do you go after life fiercely?
have you ever struggled to stay alive?
have you ever watched someone die? have you?
have you ever taken a life?
have you ever pushed someone out of your life because you loved them? and didn't want to. did it help to make them go away?
are you a coward in the face of love?
does love scare you? why not?

do you think life is worth living? why? what keeps you here? who keeps you here?

would you fight for love?

have you ever been so angry at love that you couldn't see straight?
have you ever lied to someone and told them you were not in love with them? why?
is safety overrated?
can we ever be safe?
how much control do you think you have?

have you ever stopped breathing to make yourself invisible?

when is love unbearable?
or is love always delicious?
are you a hopeless romantic? are you a pessimist? practical?
when is love impossible?
how much do you judge other people's love? why do you do it?
do you understand love? can you explain it to me then.

would you fight for love?

have you ever fallen in love with the same person? are you scared of it happening?
do you still love anyone from your past? who knows?

can you love someone you don't trust?
can you love someone who doesn't trust themselves?
are you someone who only does what you're good at? or do you take risks?

would you fight for love?

do you know the secret for eviscerating an inappropriate crush?
what do you think the purpose of an inappropriate crush is?
do you flirt with everyone? or are you intentional?

have you ever trifled with someones emotions?
have you ever led someone on?
have you ever said aloud that you were not available?
have you ever missed someone's crush on you even though you were never available?
do you think it's your responsibility to tell someone you're not available?

i don't want to be ready to love again.
too scary.
i have never fought for love. i'm noble. i walk away. if someone doesn't think i'm worth it i walk away.
but i'm re-thinking this m.o.

you? would you fight for love? when?

has it ever been worth it?

would you fight for love?

                            {feel free to leave your comments anonymously so that you can be as honest as you like.}

Comments

[mare]

Gawd Shuna! Too many questions. I could answer most of them, but it would take a year and a book!

For me, each love has been different. And with each my need to test my beloved has lessened greatly into a willingness to trust; trust that they do love me, trust that I am worth loving. I trust that neither of use needs to be 'fixed'.

I fell in love with a stranger, and didn't like it on whit! He is the love of my life and I am grateful that my heart overcame my fear. It is better to love than be loved. That portion of the population that is comprised of couples where both people feel that way is tiny, but blissful and safe in each other's heart. I'm safe in David's and I think, mostly, he knows he is safe in mine.

I don't think I helped at all, just that each love is different and if you yearn to break free of your mo, there is probably a reason.

Be happy.

[shauna]

I fought for love, and it turned into an argument. A lifelong argument with myself, wondering why that love didn't work. Was it my fault? All those other peoples?

I gave up the fight. I gave up on finding someone. I let go of the argument. I sat in silence and found myself.

(You have to know yourself to let that go too.)

We found each other. We knew each other.

We never fight.

Love is a verb, an action, a living-in-the-moment attention.

Falling? It's our primordial fear. As babies, we flinch against it.

But falling? It's surrender. That self slips away, and in the fall, we become someone else.

i love him. He loves me. We choose each other, every day.

We choose to fall together, every day.

[Rev. Dr. Biggles PhM]

Fight for love. I don't believe that I do. When I look in to their eyes and only see a reflection of myself, fighting doesn't seem to be the right approach. Be kind, thoughtful and smile.

It's time to go find another friend to go play with.

Rev. Dr. Biggles PhM

[Anonymous]

I fight for love because I fall for people that can't love me back. I fight to convince them that I am worthy of their love, that I am lovable, but in the end I think I am fighting with the other to try to convince myself.

[Catherine]

Fight for love? Of course. That is how I found my best, best love. It was an uphill battle, for both of us, fighting many things -- fear, heartbreak, even instinct. (Just ask a therapist -- not all instincts are good.)

Did you think it would be easy? Did you think you would never be hurt, or misunderstood? Did you think you would always wake up smiling, laughing, with a full heart and a joyful day ahead? For better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health (that one I know). These things try people's souls, and they test love. Just ask a couple who has lost a child together, ask them if they had to fight for their love some days, some weeks, some years. Ask a couple who has been married 70 years. Ask my single friends, who constantly ask me -- did I not fight enough?

dedicated to me?
dark corners-
always lost

There are so many kinds of love, but romantic love is perhaps the most challenging to maintain. I always wanted the unconditional kind-- because it was sold as the ideal. all of my grandparents were married until they died (with Alzheimer's on one side and MS on the other), and my parents have been married since the seventies. So this is my "expectation". The challenge is, those relationships weren't (aren't) perfect. Nowadays so many people are looking for someone or something 'perfect'. That makes dating very difficult. At what point is there acceptance of what IS rather than "what if"? Maybe long-term relationships are for bygone days. Or maybe it takes a while to realize that in this life, where nothing is guaranteed to last forever, it's worth taking a risk- sacrificing pride, ego and fixed ideas about 'identity' to grow. Thank you for this posting, Shuna. It's a big topic.

You have taught so much about love Shuna. I do fight for love. I fight for those I love too. I fight for us, for me, for them without losing myself these days. It makes me believe I can do it in the context of an intimate relationship. My friendship with you is one of the most honest relationships I have. It has taught me to believe the truth is always better - even with tears - even if it's not what I want to hear or what they want to hear - it's always, always better. Integrity and grace are always worth it. I love you.
The Girl With The Curly Red Hair

[raphael]

i would fight for him if i had to- but i don't.

[Fatemeh]

Fight for love? No, I fight for me.

Sometimes, that includes love. Sometimes, it means letting love go. Often, it means redefining love.

[Khaleeq U. Born Allah]

Hey Shuna,

It's been a while, hasn't it? I can't remember the last time I read something that registered on so many levels at the same time. Truthfully, in the last six months. . . I may have asked myself 90% of those questions, I'm not sure that they're meant to be answered though. Perhaps the beauty of the poet rests in the fact that he/she lives in the realm of "I don't really know."

I thought about the chat we had several months ago immediately after I read this. I smiled, simply because you've always brought something to me at a time when I needed it most, like the time when you brought baked goods to work with no sugar when I was trying to lose weight. You are the shit!

What I do know is that one morning
you wake from slumber
the sun cuts through the curtain
in a way that hasn't happened in quite some time
that becomes the day
you forget all of the answers to questions that have been killing you to solve
and
you go at it again
it makes us who we are.

I miss you shuna.

Always,
Khaleeq

[Dolores]

Shuna, I'm at a loss for words. Thought provoking questions -- you're going to have me reflecting on some of them for days. For which I thank you. One of the things I love about you and your blog is that you never fail to engage my mind, to make me think. I will get back to you -- because your questions deserve thoughtful answers.
But it's going to take some time.

[hungry girl]

Love is a sinking feeling. Love is a battlefield. Love is a feather bed. Love can be a mistake, a problem, an illusion, a drug. Love is a nice thing to have if you can get it. Love slips and and slides. Love is a daily labour. I find it interesting how often people in western culture use the word love. where I come from love is a carefully hoarded word. You don't say I love you unless you really, really mean it, and even then, it's the actions, not so much the word, that count.

Having said all that, i don't think love should be a fight. I think love'is a daily practice, and something i regularly fail at, and, just as regularly, succeed.

i fell in love with an inappropriate person. i was actually in love with an ex at the time and i saw this girl, and suddenly nothing else anywhere mattered. i needed to know her. i would still like to know her, but reality complicates things and this is not a story about how i met the right love, it's a story about persisting in feeling something for someone who is not available/interested/whatever.

i loved an ex for years, YEARS, and when we talked last she asked all sad, didn't i want her to think i was beautiful?

i love my straight female friends so fiercely and sometimes i just wanna be a roadblock from whatever guy they're crushing on who will never treat them as good as i do, although i do hope one of them someday will.

i would like to love more people but love seems to smack into me if it comes, when it comes, with no warning and no rhyme. perhaps because i love only people i do not already know.

i love women and i'm glad i figured that one out a long time ago because men disinterest me physically.

i get silly crushes on chefs especially if they work in open kitchens and i get to watch their hands.

[faustianbargain]

love doesnt happen unless one allows oneself to become vulnerable to the other. in other words, there is always an expectation to get hurt. so there ought to be expectations of bloody, messy, soul destroying, heartrending fights.

anything less would be tragic...

[devon]

Sometimes a person needs to know that their
Love Is Worth Fighting For.

[devon]

BTW ~

"do you mete out love?"

What a fabulous line.

I love to Love. I love to prove that love is possible, catching people's souls by surprise as they stretch for stars they never thought to search for. Eyes bright.

Must you walk away?…your soul has cried out for this chance to live wide open! The promise of action and adventure in such known yet uncharted water is blended deliciously with thrill and caution. No one knows what this love might bring…but don’t you owe it to yourself to find out?

Yes, this is scary stuff.

But half of love is the possibility.

Do you trust enough to love? Do you?

I do.

Love is walking away and cursing silently, asking yourself, “Did I just do that? Did I just SAY that?!?!?” and then very calmly answering, “Why yes, yes I did,” and you’re frightened but strangely okay with that. Because Love makes us do things that we can't explain. And we know this.

Love is walking toward the burning house, watching the flames lick at the underbelly of the sky, feeling the heat reach out, brushing its thumb against the tender spot on your ankle, tempting, realizing that you want this.

Love is not about being smart. Love is irrational, erratic. Possibilities. Certainties. Wonder and worry and waiting and whys and whyS and WHYS. But …
… it’s also the welcome, the warmth, the whispers, and, oh, the yes.

Serious business, Love.

[Dave]

Once a long time ago, when I was young and very inexperienced about love, I was contemplating fighting for it. Or more precisely, for the love of a certain young lady. A wise old gentleman said to me, "If you can't be Number 1 in a woman's life, there is no use in hanging around and being Number 2." I realized then that no matter if I fought, No matter if I won or lost, it would not affect the outcome.

Fighting for love is a waste of time. It's either yours or it isn't.

[kathryn]

I haven't ever fought for love, but I fight every day to be open to love.

[Christina]

Good questions, all. I am a recovering inappropriate-crush addict. Whenever I have suffered one, it represented less the person and more the thing I was missing most in my life at the time: laughter, attention, excitement... whatever. I can see this, of course, only in retrospect. But I'm better able to pinpoint it now.

Love isn't easy, to state something obvious. The only reasons to fight for it, in my opinion, are a) when you aren't fighting alone and b) when you feel that you're fighting for yourself, too -- not against yourself.

i'm a lover, not a fighter. if she doesn't want me, i'm not going to fight about it. to me, love is a relationship that can't really be unilateral. desire, on the other hand, can certainly be, and i have spent my fair share of time trying to get women to reciprocate my desire (or at least to sleep with me).
i spent a long time trying to figure out the difference between feeling love and being in love, and decided that being in love means wanting to be with her forever. i've had many lovers, and love many people, but have only been in love once. i think i married the right person, but know enough to know that i am never safe. she inspires me to be the best i can, and i love her in a way i haven't loved others. i had lots of relationships with people which were clearly not going to work out but satisfied me in other ways. they were all part of my path to where i am now i suppose, and some of them i still love. but not like i love my One True Love. this love is different. maybe i would fight for it if it were threatened, but i don't know. depends what kind of threat i guess.

[Sara]

I have fought for love, and I have walked away. Every time I have fought for love, it has been a mistake, and I have never regretted walking away even when each step away fell painfully at the time. I can't say more without revealing other people's stories I don't have permission to tell.

Still, make no mistake: fighting for love is not the same thing as arguing for love. In a relationship which is based on love, there will be fights, sometimes every day while you adjust to each other, decide on each other, develop into people who can fully commit to each other, which is not a ready-made thing, not usually. These are arguments, though, skirmishes about logistics. These are not ever a case of someone fighting to make someone else feel love.

You cannot force love. Either it is, or it isn't. Either it will be, or it won't, or it will for a little while, or it was once. You can nurture it. If it's true and deep, you must work very hard, every day, to make sure it has an environment in which it can live.

Real love is not fragile, but elastic, like dough. You can beat it and not break it, and maybe make it better, and also maybe wear it out. You can demand much of it, but you also have to give it what it needs.

There's no place for war in any of that.

That's what I think.

My love has nothing to do with what the other person feels. If I love then I love without expectation. I don't feel the need to fight or provoke or mete out love. Love is not an action, it's a feeling. One needn't act on any feeling, and it would save the world a lot of misery if we didn't try to act out of love (or "love").

I wish I could remember the exact translation for the Chinese proverb that goes something like:

A life lived with love is happy. A life lived for love is miserable.

[Juanita]

Love is a beautiful thing. It's that pitter patter in your stomach when you think of ther other person. It is that drop in your gut you get when that person says its over for something you know can be worked out. Its the way you look into each others eyes as if noone else is in the world. It is the deep connection you have with the person even when you are 100 miles away. It is the melody in your heart everytime he or she says your name. Is it worth fighting for? Hell yeah if you are truly falling in love with someone then you don't just let it get away, you fight til there is nothing left. After all if you're truly falling in love with someone you may say its over but is it truly over? Then perhaps you were never truly falling in love in the first place.