In the kitchen making hundreds of biscuits. Waking up at 4;40 and 5 am. Seeing best friends who've moved away. Laying awake at night thinking about my bank account. Taking much needed naps. Receiving very odd emails from cooks who work at my old job. Trying to keep my house clean after 12 hour days.
Wondering whether the way I've been teaching works for me anymore. Struggling to make ends meet. Contemplating getting rid of my health insurance that costs what my rent did 10 years ago. Seeing partridge eggs at Sea Salt! Trying to reconcile this industry and career within myself.
Sleeping in when I can, past 7 am. Watching Spring stay and slowly hand hold summer in. Applying for a teaching job elsewhere. Taking in new heady ripe scents at Monterey Market and eating my first English peas of the season. Preparing to go to Mendocino for a wedding weekend affair. Enjoying my favorite TV show after the Writer's Strike ended. Taking solace in watching the light change through the treehouse at dusk.
Attempting to stay true to my 365 photo project. Becoming more involved with Flickr. Testing secret recipe homework at home. Working out what happened, emotionally, in Florida. Working out how I can get my bicycle on the train so I can stop driving to work. Trying to keep my fears about the future at bay. Trying to see friends so flour and butter aren't my only comrades.
Getting a small pastry department in order so we're not just giving the food away. Tentatively giving my opinions to a new restaurant owner. Figuring out what my goals are so that I can work towards them. Trying not to be too scared about the economy and what it means for my industry and therefore my livelihood. Thinking of ways to keep my expenses down. Eating as much as I can at staff meal.
Rolling out pie dough in a 90F room. Taking baths to relax muscles. Working physically harder than I have in years. Loving my orchid spikes and welcoming them back to the windowsill. Barely keeping up with other blogs, let alone my own. Having anxious dreams. Looking forward to summer but I can't say why exactly. Reading The New Yorker.
It's bittersweet for me lately. Am trying to tread water and work towards a more lively, hopeful time. With all the news, it's hard to see a bountiful future. It's why I'm glad to have great support, a homey home, and farmers' markets close at hand.
~ Thanks for reading.