eggbeater

BlogHer Conference Weekend!

Just in case I seem like I'm ignoring
                you and sleep and questions and comments and eating and baking and home and my dishes and the telephone and breakfast and                             flirtations and possible jobs and the chilly weather and my side of the bay,

I am.

Starting right now, BlogHer 08 begins
and won't end until Sunday evening.

Remember last year? This year I don't have to go far (unfortunately)-- it's in San Francisco.

p.s. if you blog you can go. and be any gender you want! it's the largest blogging conference there is and it's a big hit of inspiration and learning and meeting people and getting perspective.

yuba river boyfriend.

after swim-exploring I found a rock to sit on.
for quite a while.
I was chatting with a new friend and an old friend.
then they swam away.
and I sat and sat and smiled and watched and took it all in.
children, parents, crazy teenagers, almost teenage girls giggling and whispering, heavily tattooed fellows with shorn heads and broad shoulders, one puppy carrying his own leash both swimming, kissing and whimpering, women in straw hats, siblings, vacationers and locals, glamorous swimmers and androgynous women... we were all there, laughing and chatting. friendly. content. amazed by our surroundings.

a young man appeared on a baby whale of a boulder and surveyed.
dressed all in camouflage, his bronzed young body and neat now hairstyle questioned an impending swim.
i looked up. disbelief that he had to think about getting in at all.

"what are you waiting for?" i called out to him. "the water is delicious!"
he stripped quickly and jumped in. there were deep spots, and yet each plunge someone made from a high surface stilled my breath for a few heartbeats.

in a few minutes he showed up on the top of the granite again.

"why aren't you swimming?" i questioned. teasing.
"i have no company," he said. i puzzled. i motioned to the empty flat slant of rock i sat on.
"can i join you?" i nodded.
in half a moment he was there too, beside me.

"no one is here with you? you come with anyone?" he was translating from Spanish to English.
"no one is here with me right now. did you come with anyone?" he points to two friends, at the top of the stairs, right next to the old bridge. one is a boy, one is not. neither are making any attempt to venture down sharp rocks.
"you have a boyfriend?" he asks suddenly, plainly. i laugh.
"no. you have a girlfriend?"
"no. you want to be my girlfriend?"
"i don't live here," i say, attempting to explain.
"you come here again?"
"i hope so."
"do you have a cell phone number?" now i can't keep up with explaining.
"maybe you can remember mine if i tell you?"
"i don't know when i'll be back. maybe one day..."
"which day?"
"August." i reply, stumbling.

"what day?"

-----
o to return to a simpler time,
when all one needed to get a boyfriend was a place in the sun, on a rock, in the water.

       summer.

Yuba River, California

The Yuba River

has changed me forever.

I am in awe.

my heart has been stretched and pulled

water, in all its green clarity

massive granite boulders

dimpled and sanded

rough & smooth

hot & dangerous

dynamic

beautiful.

I could not have designed a better place to swim, think, travel inward, see, visit, take part in,

and now know about. I will be back. Mark my words with an x on my heart.

anniversary.

three years. and yet the past is present and the present is empty.

there aren't any words. still.

and so i go away. in search of quiet. water. memory.

her.

once s'more, with feeling!

blind date.

nervous.
o, what to wear.
too hot outside.
clean the house.
thoroughly.
why?
something to do with all that strange energy.

blind dates are brave.

pick the restaurant.
second guess the choice a hundred times.
don't want to go someplace where everyone and the dishwasher know me.
or have crush on chef. or baker.
but want delicious food.
nervous.
giddy.
hot. oppressively so.

what if
it's dreadful,
feels too long,
can't get away fast enough?

but it's none of the above.
lovely.
more under the surface than one might know from a glance.
east coast. Jersey.
fishes. fly & sea.
freckles. and Jewish.
musician too.
has no tv, although has watched the Sopranos.
strong. works with hands.
this is important to me.
an upstart, too!

orders goat, i get porchetta.

it's an unexpected pleasure.
i like meeting new people.

an exceptional extra ordinary Royal Blenheim apricot sorbet sat between us.
tiny butter cookie speckled with polenta, sea salt and a raw sugar.
    yes, please.

and just to prove how small a world is.
we know someone in common.
someone i've known since my childhood.
Polly Frizzell. through bluegrass.
go figure.

walked away tingly.
not knowing, no.
but taking in the moment, experience.
have had a lot of dead end crushes lately,
would rather
    stolen kisses
    something to think about besides baked goods.
not that baked goods aren't fun. they are.

but it's summer.
and yes, there's also stone fruit, and bush berries, and coconut cream pie, and hot biscuits and ice cream and shorts and river swims and
everyone is out and about
looking good.
i'm looking for delicious people.
if you know anyone,
registration is now open.
xo

Live, from The Farm, it's Shuna fish.

here i am.

it was great to wake up way after 4 am today. and watch babette eat, slow and methodically, a baby rabbit after our walk Saturday evening, and {me, myself} eat 2 fat and supple figs from the fig church, and see an entire bowl of Santa Rosa plums on the dining room table, and notice an orchard ladder next to a few fruit trees, and look down on the Napa River at dusk, and look forward to a day of nothingness interspersed with long walks with the dogs. especially after a week of 10 hour baking days starting at 5 am.

The Fourth of July!

today is:

chocolate buttermilk cake
sticky buns
beignets !
sweet potato pie
caramel cake with caramelized butter frosting
a spoonful of the best coconut pastry cream, if I love you
snickerdoodles
chocolate chocolate chip cookies
bacon-scallion-cheddar biscuits
limeade
mint lemonade
strawberry lemonade
lacy yeasted cornmeal waffles with brown sugar butter
creamed corn
warm buttermilk biscuits and local jam
blue bottle coffee
homemade granola
black cast iron skillet baked cornbread
grits
a giant smoker filled with ribs and chicken
perfectly poached eggs
watermelon
real vanilla ice cream
honest iced tea
fresh squozed orange juice
R&B
a dash of hip hop
old school soul
hot cooks
even hotter bakers
corn on the cob
friends
barking

and beautiful
big
explosions of light
and colour
in the broad
grand
mighty
night sky.

happy fourth.
be safe, sane & consensual, and responsible tonight. /please.
just think:
you may even want to remember what you did today, tomorrow. just sayin'

see you soon?

July is ~

summer
resolute.

sand
beach
swimming
the scent of suntan lotion and cigarettes.

mosquitoes
camp
friends
new crushes and grand loves.

boardwalk
stolen kisses
toes exposed and elbows out of car windows.

ice cream
fire hydrants, open, and everyone screaming in the street under its wide arc of spray.

shorts
sleeveless
stickyness
sunburn
cool sheets
late nights
porches
lemonade
sweet cocktails and sweating beer bottles.

grills
BBQ's
wood
singe
sizzle
marshmallows, melting
coal
dry twigs arranged like a tee pee, and set afire.

bonfires
ghost stories
camping
canoes
fishing
salads for dinner and watermelon for breakfast.

sleeping in
sunsets taking forever and skies as bright as a broad smile.

lobster
raw clams
Italian ices
zeppoles hot and oily and white and sweet.

hide and seek
cicadas
fireflies
okra
tomato everything and corn on the cob.

reflection
memory
remembrance
solitude.

wading
clamming
boating
sailing
surfing
being tossed and turned by waves before a storm.

lakes
ponds
sunshowers
rivers
docks
diving
sparklers alive and fiercely hot, for just a moment.

fireworks
gunpowder scent
oohs and ahhs in the dark, and then quiet.

figs
ferries
islands
adventures
play
long hard sleep and dreams of picking blackberries.

blueberries
pie
cobblers
buckles
galettes
whipped cream.

nectarines and basil
mint and peaches
plums and rosemary
nepotella infused in cream for bright ice cream.

home
heart
love
loss
grief

change
transition
betwixt & between then and now and tomorrow.

travel
spontaneity
secrets
cherries
simple cakes and floury hands.

Coney Island!
grandparents
bikinis
hot nights
hanging out on the stoop until the wee hours.

J U L Y.

Summer!
    full stop.

HAPPY july!

last days of june/ beginnings of summer.

june 30.
the month giving is summer is soon to be over.
and then july.

i want to be happy like i was in grade school.
not thinking about ugly new york augusts and jellyfish oceans and green flies,
but endless days
music of cicadas
a bedtime that never arrived.

but i'm a bit blue.
that summer's just like fall is just like spring
because i'm all grown up now.

people i love are getting in airplanes and i have traveling-feet envy.
want to see a new place.
visit a home i've left behind.
remember walking down that street at every age

holding hands with people gone.

july is the anniversary of death for me.
    and yet i am trying to paint the month anew,
every year since.

jacaranda trees are in bloom.
and she said,
'when these bright light purple blooms arrive,
so do my favorite cherries.'

and so i remember her
with these trees
and every
day that passes.