I still have a valentine's day card which my high school sweetheart gave to me. It is important to note that the way we began dating was like this. My high school, Music & Art, had just merged with his, Performing Arts. He was in the theater department and was just beginning to closely align himself with John Belushi. In front of our specialized public NYC high school whose building looked like a cross between an insurance building and a city jail, we leaned against a wall in the frigid air.
When the others were talking amongst themselves he came closer to me and said, "Will you go out with me?" It was the perfect line for an absolutely hopeless romantic in-training like myself. I said yes.
But then I asked, "What would you have said if I said no?" Without a pause he said with a broad smile, "Just kidding."
His card to me said Happy VD day.
These were the days before instant messaging and online dating. We lived in a place where getting married the day after high school graduation was not the norm. We courted. His family made a place for me in their sprawling sun filled loft which gazed unabashed into the Puck building across the street. I was lucky enough to be so entrenched in his family that when anyone came from their hometown of Chicago, I was one of the few invited to eat the ribs, still hot from the short plane ride.
Today I want the world of couples to think of their single friends. I am the only blogger I know who is not married in some sense of the convention. Remember that not everyone you know is blissed out in love, calling in sick to work to nest with their lovers, sending flowers and chocolates over byways and speaking in the voice one would use for their five year old nephew. Take this opportunity to send a nice something to the person hiding from the Big Red & Pink Oppression of this pressure-cooker of an obnoxious holiday.
Remember that not everyone feels like a half until they find their other half. Remember that there is an entire population of people who are not allowed to marry, even if they don't want to.
Remember that both strawberries and raspberries are NOT in season and try and support pastry chefs who come up with more innovative ideas for the busiest day of their year.
Remember the love farmer's give to their fields, how bees sex flowers to fruit, how the reward of love is different for different people and how this holiday can spread beyond the tight little confining envelope of Noah's 2X2's.
Have a lovely day however many people you desire, you hold close, you court or you kiss and don't tell. Happy VD.
Oh, Shuna -- Happy February 14th to you!I was but am not (married), am not attached to anyone else.
More's the pity I had to gnash my teeth and write about the day in spite of that fact. I recommended homemade foods, dinner at home, jams, dessert wines and tropical fruits istead of out-of-season berries.
You were right to advise folks to remember the singletons! Thanks for a nice start to the day.
Posted by: Kudzu | 14 February 2006 at 12:33 PM
I shall Haiku you.
In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of bacon
A dog barks next door
Biggles
Posted by: Dr. Biggles | 14 February 2006 at 01:09 PM
Here's a Valentine for you-for just being YOU!! You're not half of anything, you are the one and only YOU, loved madly by us and many other people lucky enough to know YOU!!
Posted by: Dad and Ellen | 14 February 2006 at 01:12 PM
St. Valentine didn't know anything about the best kind of love -- self love.
Can you imagine a time when people didn't have to be reminded to love themselves, to believe in themselves?
This VD is dedicated to people who love themselves.
Posted by: Fatemeh | 14 February 2006 at 01:34 PM
If only M&A had merged with Performing Arts while I still attended I might have stayed in school.
For an excellent but brief examination of the single Valentine try http://www.meloukhia.com/2006/02/who-was-st-valentine.html
Let's just do our best to spread love to everyone, everywhere.
Posted by: haddock | 14 February 2006 at 01:53 PM
O my god, it's a goddamned Love-In around here!
I feel incredibly special to have been Haiku'd, thank you Doctor.
And dedicated to self-love, I wake up on my first day in my new flat, living alone for the first time!
I LURVE YOU all back. xoxo
Posted by: shuna fish lydon | 14 February 2006 at 02:06 PM
What a fabulous post. Thank you.
A toast to us single people!
xx amanda
Posted by: Amanda | 14 February 2006 at 03:51 PM
In the immortal words of Smokey Robinson, "I second that emotion."
From another singleton, of the widow-lady variety
Posted by: Lindy | 14 February 2006 at 04:16 PM
Strawberries and raspberries aren't in season, but blood oranges are. That was a wonderful post. Those of us who are paired up still need to cultivate and nurture other relationships. I recommend the wonderful movie, The Station Agent, about a group of quirkey people who get by without becoming two-somes. Happy Valentine's Day to us all!
Posted by: Lynn D. | 14 February 2006 at 07:35 PM
Thank you, my dear, for sharing your story. And for gently nudging everyone to remind us single folks. I'm not married, paired up, or even dating. I love my life. I'd love to meet someone, but I'm not holding my breath. Instead, I have this wonderful communtiy. Thank you, thank you for being a part of it. Big smushy hugs to you.
Posted by: shauna | 14 February 2006 at 09:19 PM
I'm making the rounds with my VD-Day story. I just never grew up believing Valentines were just for romantic love.
I've always frankly loved Valentine's Day because growing up, my family made it into such an event. My mother bought construction paper, extra glue, fat rolls of stickers, doilies of all shapes and sizes, crinkling packets of glitter (silver, gold, pink, red), and on that cracked plastic-covered card table, all five of us took secret time to make Valentines for each other as well as our friends. I remember my high school friends going around in protesting black clothes on Valentine's Day -- something (as I handed over their Valentines) I never understood.
Because of how my family approached it, I've just never associated Valentine's as solely a lovers day, more like a loving day. If that isn't too cheesy. (Y'all gotta know how I love the cheese!)
Friends, lovers, and selves, do the love thing. Always, not just on the 14th. Always.
Posted by: Stephanie | 15 February 2006 at 03:13 AM
Shuna --
Obviously I've been a secret admirer for far too long. Out with the truth: I love your blog -- and to love your blog is to love you, methinks!
I was not always coupled up as I am now, and your post has given me the memory of moment shortly after a devastating breakup. In my grief, I said to someone, "How am ever I going to find the person who will stand by me, stay with me, the one that I can love and be loved by for the rest of my life?" This extraordinarily wise friend literally held up a mirror to my face and said, "You're looking at her." In relationships or out of them, these words have remained with me...
Posted by: Julie | 15 February 2006 at 01:22 PM
Julie--
thank you so much. I think I may have even blushed whilst reading your valentine to me.
Shauna-- big smushy hugs back!! I'm actually quite excited to live alone. It makes being on one's own that much fiercer.
Posted by: shuna fish lydon | 16 February 2006 at 01:29 PM