comments on the "work break-up blues" series

As some of you've noticed, I have recently begun to moderate my comments. After I had to learn the hard way what "flame" was, I've decided that eggbeater will not participate in it. What everyone seemed to know, but me, was that there are some dreadful people on the www. There are those who love to talk shit, change their names, give false email addresses, and say things just to bait those of us unknowing. These people are cowards and feeding them will not be my job.

eggbeater can handle a good discussion. eggbeater is interested in opinions other than my own. eggbeater likes a lively exchange, has been known to play a devil's advocate, and sees clearly how complicated issues are. one knows one has arrived in adulthood when one can see more than one side of things, can be friends with those who do not vote for the same presidential candidate, do not come from the same class background, can still love after one's been betrayed.

eggbeater does not accept name calling, racial slurs, personal attacks, conversation enders like, "you're a racist," bigotry against any ethnic, religious or chosen sub-group. I have chosen to delete and not publish comments I feel arrive under these categories. In fact I have often emailed the authors personally and privately to tell them why I have done so.

I appreciate having a blog with comments. Even when people say the things that are hard to hear.

{check out my cohort Raspil's blog, no comments are allowed on it. I love this: "want to contact me?  sorry.  not happening.  i'm not interested." this line showed up after Raspil was stalked by a commenter.}

Few have ever met me and said later, that Shuna, he's so middle-of-the-road. I have strong opinions. I know this. But what you may not know is that many of my opinions come not only from life experiences and what I've seen first-hand, but from those brave enough to bring new ones to my attention. I like learning. I like the opportunity to see things in a different light.

And I like process.

I've never got to where I've landed by standing still. Whether it be with one or many, talking and writing things out helps me to get to a new place. Sure I know how to merely survive as well: the kind where there's no time and privilege to stop and look at what's taking place.

I'm at a precipice. Standing at the edge of something new. So I want to talk it all out: the break-up, the emotions, the "facts," the time-line, what he and she and I said.

This is the only way I know to get there: the only way through is through.

The "Work Break-Up Blues" series is about a friendship. A friendship that's been through a lot even before this recent chapter. (part I, II & III) The "Work Break-Up Blues" series is about me. It's about my part. It's about my industry. A view from the inside-out. It's my view at the moment. (Cause and Effect.) It is not about a demonization of any one person(s). It's not about finding a way to wash my hands of this person/restaurant.

"I'm writing it all down, to sort it out. To say that this relationship is important to me. To keep, to mend, to forgive. To move forward in my own life and career with all the pieces of the puzzle known."

It does take two to tango. Two to tangle.

What I chose to do, here on eggbeater, was to write it all out. The parts that are vulnerable, the parts I'm not proud of, the guts of the situation.

Do I have faith that the friendship/industry I speak of is strong enough to handle my feelings, my writings on the subject of its most recent turmoil?

Yes.

Because I have this faith, if you are capable of spending the time it takes to write out a critique thoughtfully and without overtures of personal attack, I will post it.

Please remember that there is an author behind eggbeater when you leave comments. An actual human being with feelings. This is true of any blog or site that chooses to accept feedback/commentary. Someone reads your words, absorbs them and they, too, become public once you hit "publish."

Everyone must, at some point, learn the hard lessons of the www if they choose to use it. For some of us, it just came later in life because they grew up in the time before computers. heh.

 

Comments

[hungrygirl]

Good to see your self-reflexivity about the comments process, My blog, as you know, is still a baby, but i chose to go the moderated route. I cannot believe how many porn site posts I've had to delete! And yet, interactivity with 'real' readers seems difficult to make happen. I'd be interested on your thoughts on how you made your site so interactive - what has worked and what hasn't. Don't know if that fits in with your themes - a kind of 'insider dish' on blogging?

[shuna fish lydon]

Hello Hungrygirl,

There is a fabulous site for that which you spak of-- Food Blog S'cool. Look for it in my section "more like this one." It is indeed an "inside dish" for blogging questions.

I may not moderate forever, but in lieu of recent posts it's best. Also it seems to me that your blogger software should be helping you block a lot of the big/obvious spammers...

[Elle]

It takes amazing bravery to return to work in a place that didn't work out in the past. To do so in a place where the work is intense, creative, and where the physical space also requires intimacy beyond what is average in working relationships takes a leap of faith. You should be proud that you took that leap and made the effort, no matter who was at fault in the final days. We all learn as much from the fallen souffle as from the perfect tart.
That you are willing to share all of this with the www takes even more guts, if that is possible. The good news is that it allows virtual strangers like me to send words of encouragement. I'm a bit in awe, too. I'm more easily broken or perhaps too timid to allow myself a public airing.
Hope the new door opening for you happens quickly and leads you to a great work place which allows your amazing creativity with food to flower.

[Dr. Biggles]

I like the part where we really fark things up and wind up in a tailspin. Then, after gut wrenching reflection return nine fold with a clear way.

I had bacon for breakfast.

xo

[Dr. Biggles]

Oh, and when I say I had bacon for breakfast, that's what I mean. It isn't, "I had bacon with breakfast."

xo x2

[mary]

I love you even though you didn't respond to my pleas for an interview for a magazine piece I was writing.

Ok, now that I passively-aggressively commented, tell me where I should go for a reasonably priced and excellent dinner in Napa. I can't afford French Laundry ...

[Raspil]

i'm a cohort! xoxox! kick ass! life is fantastic.

the reason why i have no comments on my site is because i have to maintain some sort of control of my site on the internet. this is the only way. i don't know how many people would want to comment on something i've said or made (food-wise), but after being stalked, googled, found and openly threatened through another website, i had to do something. no one has the right to harrass someone on the net under the veil of anonymity. no one has to eat a big bowl of someone's shit, either, because of a veil of anonymity.

if i like someone, i will contact them. i much prefer to make the first move. it's my nature. 9 times out of 10, they'll write back and a rapport will be established.

again, you're awesome. i love your straightforward, no-nonsense communication style. if we all could be so brave.

[erin]

enjoying your blog very much- and i like the shirts! very interesting site. thanks for sharing.