shuna lydon

looking for something particular?

  • Google


Become a Fan

Bookmark and Share

Your email address:

Powered by FeedBlitz

Blog powered by Typepad
Member since 03/2005

« la machina ~ | Main | chez panisse light »

09 June 2007


Gawd Shuna! Too many questions. I could answer most of them, but it would take a year and a book!

For me, each love has been different. And with each my need to test my beloved has lessened greatly into a willingness to trust; trust that they do love me, trust that I am worth loving. I trust that neither of use needs to be 'fixed'.

I fell in love with a stranger, and didn't like it on whit! He is the love of my life and I am grateful that my heart overcame my fear. It is better to love than be loved. That portion of the population that is comprised of couples where both people feel that way is tiny, but blissful and safe in each other's heart. I'm safe in David's and I think, mostly, he knows he is safe in mine.

I don't think I helped at all, just that each love is different and if you yearn to break free of your mo, there is probably a reason.

Be happy.

I fought for love, and it turned into an argument. A lifelong argument with myself, wondering why that love didn't work. Was it my fault? All those other peoples?

I gave up the fight. I gave up on finding someone. I let go of the argument. I sat in silence and found myself.

(You have to know yourself to let that go too.)

We found each other. We knew each other.

We never fight.

Love is a verb, an action, a living-in-the-moment attention.

Falling? It's our primordial fear. As babies, we flinch against it.

But falling? It's surrender. That self slips away, and in the fall, we become someone else.

i love him. He loves me. We choose each other, every day.

We choose to fall together, every day.

Fight for love. I don't believe that I do. When I look in to their eyes and only see a reflection of myself, fighting doesn't seem to be the right approach. Be kind, thoughtful and smile.

It's time to go find another friend to go play with.

Rev. Dr. Biggles PhM

I fight for love because I fall for people that can't love me back. I fight to convince them that I am worthy of their love, that I am lovable, but in the end I think I am fighting with the other to try to convince myself.

Fight for love? Of course. That is how I found my best, best love. It was an uphill battle, for both of us, fighting many things -- fear, heartbreak, even instinct. (Just ask a therapist -- not all instincts are good.)

Did you think it would be easy? Did you think you would never be hurt, or misunderstood? Did you think you would always wake up smiling, laughing, with a full heart and a joyful day ahead? For better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health (that one I know). These things try people's souls, and they test love. Just ask a couple who has lost a child together, ask them if they had to fight for their love some days, some weeks, some years. Ask a couple who has been married 70 years. Ask my single friends, who constantly ask me -- did I not fight enough?

dedicated to me?
dark corners-
always lost

There are so many kinds of love, but romantic love is perhaps the most challenging to maintain. I always wanted the unconditional kind-- because it was sold as the ideal. all of my grandparents were married until they died (with Alzheimer's on one side and MS on the other), and my parents have been married since the seventies. So this is my "expectation". The challenge is, those relationships weren't (aren't) perfect. Nowadays so many people are looking for someone or something 'perfect'. That makes dating very difficult. At what point is there acceptance of what IS rather than "what if"? Maybe long-term relationships are for bygone days. Or maybe it takes a while to realize that in this life, where nothing is guaranteed to last forever, it's worth taking a risk- sacrificing pride, ego and fixed ideas about 'identity' to grow. Thank you for this posting, Shuna. It's a big topic.

You have taught so much about love Shuna. I do fight for love. I fight for those I love too. I fight for us, for me, for them without losing myself these days. It makes me believe I can do it in the context of an intimate relationship. My friendship with you is one of the most honest relationships I have. It has taught me to believe the truth is always better - even with tears - even if it's not what I want to hear or what they want to hear - it's always, always better. Integrity and grace are always worth it. I love you.
The Girl With The Curly Red Hair

i would fight for him if i had to- but i don't.

Fight for love? No, I fight for me.

Sometimes, that includes love. Sometimes, it means letting love go. Often, it means redefining love.

Hey Shuna,

It's been a while, hasn't it? I can't remember the last time I read something that registered on so many levels at the same time. Truthfully, in the last six months. . . I may have asked myself 90% of those questions, I'm not sure that they're meant to be answered though. Perhaps the beauty of the poet rests in the fact that he/she lives in the realm of "I don't really know."

I thought about the chat we had several months ago immediately after I read this. I smiled, simply because you've always brought something to me at a time when I needed it most, like the time when you brought baked goods to work with no sugar when I was trying to lose weight. You are the shit!

What I do know is that one morning
you wake from slumber
the sun cuts through the curtain
in a way that hasn't happened in quite some time
that becomes the day
you forget all of the answers to questions that have been killing you to solve
you go at it again
it makes us who we are.

I miss you shuna.


Shuna, I'm at a loss for words. Thought provoking questions -- you're going to have me reflecting on some of them for days. For which I thank you. One of the things I love about you and your blog is that you never fail to engage my mind, to make me think. I will get back to you -- because your questions deserve thoughtful answers.
But it's going to take some time.

Love is a sinking feeling. Love is a battlefield. Love is a feather bed. Love can be a mistake, a problem, an illusion, a drug. Love is a nice thing to have if you can get it. Love slips and and slides. Love is a daily labour. I find it interesting how often people in western culture use the word love. where I come from love is a carefully hoarded word. You don't say I love you unless you really, really mean it, and even then, it's the actions, not so much the word, that count.

Having said all that, i don't think love should be a fight. I think love'is a daily practice, and something i regularly fail at, and, just as regularly, succeed.

i fell in love with an inappropriate person. i was actually in love with an ex at the time and i saw this girl, and suddenly nothing else anywhere mattered. i needed to know her. i would still like to know her, but reality complicates things and this is not a story about how i met the right love, it's a story about persisting in feeling something for someone who is not available/interested/whatever.

i loved an ex for years, YEARS, and when we talked last she asked all sad, didn't i want her to think i was beautiful?

i love my straight female friends so fiercely and sometimes i just wanna be a roadblock from whatever guy they're crushing on who will never treat them as good as i do, although i do hope one of them someday will.

i would like to love more people but love seems to smack into me if it comes, when it comes, with no warning and no rhyme. perhaps because i love only people i do not already know.

i love women and i'm glad i figured that one out a long time ago because men disinterest me physically.

i get silly crushes on chefs especially if they work in open kitchens and i get to watch their hands.

love doesnt happen unless one allows oneself to become vulnerable to the other. in other words, there is always an expectation to get hurt. so there ought to be expectations of bloody, messy, soul destroying, heartrending fights.

anything less would be tragic...

Sometimes a person needs to know that their
Love Is Worth Fighting For.


"do you mete out love?"

What a fabulous line.

I love to Love. I love to prove that love is possible, catching people's souls by surprise as they stretch for stars they never thought to search for. Eyes bright.

Must you walk away?…your soul has cried out for this chance to live wide open! The promise of action and adventure in such known yet uncharted water is blended deliciously with thrill and caution. No one knows what this love might bring…but don’t you owe it to yourself to find out?

Yes, this is scary stuff.

But half of love is the possibility.

Do you trust enough to love? Do you?

I do.

Love is walking away and cursing silently, asking yourself, “Did I just do that? Did I just SAY that?!?!?” and then very calmly answering, “Why yes, yes I did,” and you’re frightened but strangely okay with that. Because Love makes us do things that we can't explain. And we know this.

Love is walking toward the burning house, watching the flames lick at the underbelly of the sky, feeling the heat reach out, brushing its thumb against the tender spot on your ankle, tempting, realizing that you want this.

Love is not about being smart. Love is irrational, erratic. Possibilities. Certainties. Wonder and worry and waiting and whys and whyS and WHYS. But …
… it’s also the welcome, the warmth, the whispers, and, oh, the yes.

Serious business, Love.

Once a long time ago, when I was young and very inexperienced about love, I was contemplating fighting for it. Or more precisely, for the love of a certain young lady. A wise old gentleman said to me, "If you can't be Number 1 in a woman's life, there is no use in hanging around and being Number 2." I realized then that no matter if I fought, No matter if I won or lost, it would not affect the outcome.

Fighting for love is a waste of time. It's either yours or it isn't.

I haven't ever fought for love, but I fight every day to be open to love.

Good questions, all. I am a recovering inappropriate-crush addict. Whenever I have suffered one, it represented less the person and more the thing I was missing most in my life at the time: laughter, attention, excitement... whatever. I can see this, of course, only in retrospect. But I'm better able to pinpoint it now.

Love isn't easy, to state something obvious. The only reasons to fight for it, in my opinion, are a) when you aren't fighting alone and b) when you feel that you're fighting for yourself, too -- not against yourself.

i'm a lover, not a fighter. if she doesn't want me, i'm not going to fight about it. to me, love is a relationship that can't really be unilateral. desire, on the other hand, can certainly be, and i have spent my fair share of time trying to get women to reciprocate my desire (or at least to sleep with me).
i spent a long time trying to figure out the difference between feeling love and being in love, and decided that being in love means wanting to be with her forever. i've had many lovers, and love many people, but have only been in love once. i think i married the right person, but know enough to know that i am never safe. she inspires me to be the best i can, and i love her in a way i haven't loved others. i had lots of relationships with people which were clearly not going to work out but satisfied me in other ways. they were all part of my path to where i am now i suppose, and some of them i still love. but not like i love my One True Love. this love is different. maybe i would fight for it if it were threatened, but i don't know. depends what kind of threat i guess.

I have fought for love, and I have walked away. Every time I have fought for love, it has been a mistake, and I have never regretted walking away even when each step away fell painfully at the time. I can't say more without revealing other people's stories I don't have permission to tell.

Still, make no mistake: fighting for love is not the same thing as arguing for love. In a relationship which is based on love, there will be fights, sometimes every day while you adjust to each other, decide on each other, develop into people who can fully commit to each other, which is not a ready-made thing, not usually. These are arguments, though, skirmishes about logistics. These are not ever a case of someone fighting to make someone else feel love.

You cannot force love. Either it is, or it isn't. Either it will be, or it won't, or it will for a little while, or it was once. You can nurture it. If it's true and deep, you must work very hard, every day, to make sure it has an environment in which it can live.

Real love is not fragile, but elastic, like dough. You can beat it and not break it, and maybe make it better, and also maybe wear it out. You can demand much of it, but you also have to give it what it needs.

There's no place for war in any of that.

That's what I think.

My love has nothing to do with what the other person feels. If I love then I love without expectation. I don't feel the need to fight or provoke or mete out love. Love is not an action, it's a feeling. One needn't act on any feeling, and it would save the world a lot of misery if we didn't try to act out of love (or "love").

I wish I could remember the exact translation for the Chinese proverb that goes something like:

A life lived with love is happy. A life lived for love is miserable.

Love is a beautiful thing. It's that pitter patter in your stomach when you think of ther other person. It is that drop in your gut you get when that person says its over for something you know can be worked out. Its the way you look into each others eyes as if noone else is in the world. It is the deep connection you have with the person even when you are 100 miles away. It is the melody in your heart everytime he or she says your name. Is it worth fighting for? Hell yeah if you are truly falling in love with someone then you don't just let it get away, you fight til there is nothing left. After all if you're truly falling in love with someone you may say its over but is it truly over? Then perhaps you were never truly falling in love in the first place.

i fought. i've been fighting for over a year. the battle never gets easier, for me it's getting harder. How do you know when enough is enough? Is fate dropping me hints telling me too let go? why is it everytime i try to let go something happens to bring us together. i miss him like crazy.We were eachothers first. We met in a park and live up the road from eachother, it kills me to see him so often. i've left letters which probably ended ripped in the bin. i've left flowers that are probably dead tied in my hair tie so he'd notice it's me. His new girlfriend goes to my school and seeing her is like someone stabbing a knife in me and twisting it. I fought. I'm fighting; i'm trying to quit. it's never over.

can i ask what provoked this piece?


it's hard to say exactly. i tried to explain it by asking all the questions.

sometimes love is not worth exposing. especially when the person you love is not ready to know.

I would gladly fight for love, but recently I have found myself fighting love.

it is true, sometimes love is not worth exposing, i'm not ready to know who i love.

i've been married for 3 years and i'm in love with my best friend of 14 years. she doesn't know it and neither does my wife. not a day goes by that i wish i didn't know it.

i really have no intentions of fighting for that forbidden love, like i said, i am fighting it. but it tears me up inside. perhaps i should settle in and enjoy the fact that i have love in my life, follow this proverb(posted earlier):
A life lived with love is happy. A life lived for love is miserable.

for one reason or another, there has been 14 years of inaction on this love, perhaps this was a love that should have been fought for, perhaps then, i would not need to be fighting now.

is one a coward for never acting on love?

am i a horrible person for admitting to myself that there is another person i am in love with?

can someone be in love with two people at the same time and not be a horrible person?

i think i may be a horrible person.

maybe i just need to tell her.

maybe i'm confusing my love for her as romantic love, when it isn't, it may have just started out that way.

how do i know?

is it different than my love of and with my wife? that is the question i need to won't be easy, and will i be ready for the answer?

i hope so.

why does love have to be so hard ,well i guess its just life ,that was good i learned a lot from this thanks for helping me learn a few ?s.

why does love have to be so hard ,well i guess its just life ,that was good i learned a lot from this thanks for helping me learn a few ?s.

I have faught for love. It was exhausting. And I realized it wasn't the love I was fighting for. I was fighting because he didn't love me the way I wanted him to. He was also an emotional cripple.Divorce. Next time I didn't have to fight for love. I did more for them than I did for myself. Love came to me so I thought. I was their ideal. And when things got tough he got rough. And did I fight for Love? Sure I fought for my life.I still shake my head in disbelief. That a person could attempt to take another's life for love. That is sick. So I found love again. In me. I fought for me. Would I fight for love again? I would give one hundred percent. There is no 50/50 stuff.This time I have to come first. This time I am smarter. Do I take a chance? yes.Life is short. Would I fight? No.I can't make someone act or react or do things they don't want to if they don't want to fight back. If they don't think I am worth taking the chance then that is their loss. I believe in Love. Love helps us grow. Thrive. Who wants to walk alone? I don't walk away out of fear. Although I do know when to stay and when to go. And I will not fight. Not again. I don't have the energy for such silliness. I have a philosophy about love...Ya snooze ya lose. Men are like buses. You miss one you catch another. I will never run down the street screaming after it. I will walk instead.

i am fighting for my love because he is fighting for me in his own way. our story is complicated and i won't tell our story anymore. all i can say is, it is hard to fight for your love when there is one person who keeps us apart, one person with so much power over us. for now, me and my love have to be apart or else that one person could do a lot of damage in my love's life and i cannot live with that. so i chose to step back and wait and see. it's painful. it's hard. it's crazy. it's heartbreaking to see him with her just because of fear. it breaks my heart that i cannot do anything but watch until she gets tired of controlling our love. i don't know until when. i don't know how long. i don't know if it will end. but as long as i am happy with my love for my love, i will stay with him and wait for him. and we can have our promises come alive in the end. when everything is okay, we have reached our end. time will heal us. it has to because this is the real love. it cannot be left without winning the battle.

this was just what i needed...thanks.

would i fight for love? you say no or if its real love you shouldn't have to. all your senses say run but all of a sudden with this particular person that's exactly what you find yourself doing. even if it's fighting with myself on whether i should stay and fight or take flight.

my love my sweet sweet love moved 1000 miles away. when she was here we took turns fighting for our love. we both found ourselves forgiving one another for things we both said we would never put up with. you don't allow yourself to be a doormat but you find yourself fighting to find a way to forgive. look inside and be honest of your intentions that drive your fight.

i'm fighting with myself do i move 1000 miles away just to be close enough when she misses me. is that desperation? is it this is it that? if it's real love i wouldn't have to drive myself crazy right? it would be simpler easier to just walk away. but i've never walked away from a fight.

whats most precious is whats worked hardest for. am i just in it for the challenge? just to boost my ego? if i have her i will be better stronger happier. so do i want to live life looking back or being visited from time to time with regret? thats not a life i want to lead. if you never have to fight for any love what does for better or worse mean.

i asked a 76 year old woman married for 52 years if they ever had fights. she tells me of course. i ask if they were bad horrible i cant believe i'm putting up with this crap fights. she tells me of course. having those fights and the only person that could make it better is the person you're fighting with.

when i first got together with my love. i had all types of boundaries that i learned to not put up with. i thought it's not love if it hurts. yet with my love i found myself not loving the drama or fights but still loving her. she has flaws she has past hurts that effect her actions just like i do. i realized i loved her despite those flaws. even with all our hurtful actions if we were in the world trade center at the top floor during 9/11 fire beneath us with no escape possible. having her in my arms would be the only way i would want to go.

i say fight fight like hell. then at the least you have the self respect of truly doing all that you could. fight for what and who you love. fight and fight some more. the alternative is what? divorce another statistic maybe the divorce rate would be lower if couples fought for their love more than being right or fighting over who gets what or how much.

i thought about letting my love go and to just walk no run away. but this article and many of the comments gave me even more energy to continue with my fight.

it's taken me a long time to think this over (obviously) and my answer is NO.
I would NOT fight. I would slink away humiliated, and disappear.
I have never trifled with anyone's feelings (that I am aware of) - for I would not want that. But ultimately, I am thankful that I have loved in the past. Am I looking for more? No. It freaks me out. Being single is easier. Less judgemental. Safer.
I know I am a chicken, but my heart is safe.

I can't answer all your questions, but it is our duty to dedicate our entire lives for Love. So to answer your question "would you fight for love?" I answer yes. And I encourage everyone to fight for Love. For if we don't fight for Love, what else is there?

Should you fight for love? I guess it all depends on the circumstance. Every relationship is unique and each time you fall in love with a person it is different. I believe you can fall in love more than once but I’m still waiting to see if that belief is true. I have been in actual love ONCE. I have been in multiple relationships and have gotten to the point where I have deeply cared for other people and I guess you could say loved to some degree. But how did I know that that ONE person was the one I truly loved? I just did. There is no reasoning behind it, you just know. And I ask myself everyday why it didn’t work. And I think to myself maybe if I just would have tried a little harder it could have. In answer to your question, YES, fight for love. Fight like hell for love because once it’s gone, it’s usually impossible to get back. And after you fight like hell, if it doesn’t work, then move on. You can’t fight your whole life but you can fight to the highest extent possible so then when you look back you know you did all you could. If you have that feeling that you could have done more, it’s the worst feeling in the world. Everyone should fight to a certain extent, but there is only so much you can do. So when you’ve given it your ALL and fought like hell and it still doesn’t work, that’s when you walk away and don’t look back. Don’t look back because you did all you could do and at some point you need to move on with your life and achieve the happiness that you deserve.

I fought for love for over a year. I'm 17. After our separation after 4 years deep into a relationship, I needed to fight for myself. After I fought for myself, I realized that I was fighting for love the whole time. Throughout the comes and goes and the presence of other people in mine and my significant other's lives, I realized that I've always had everything I wanted. I may have be encouraged otherwise by people, but my own self-encouragement from my heart was telling me to go back. Once I had made it set in stone in my mind that that was truly what I wanted, it was too late. Months long of staying true to my heart and practicing integrity, true love prevails and will return and suffice every asset necessary for an eternal, glowing heart.

Wow, I wasnt going to fight for love, until i read a comment Posted by: anon | 04 November 2008 at 07:48 AM.

I am going to fight like hell, "so that when I’ve given it my ALL and if it doesn’t work out, I will walk away without question marks and will never look back". I think when it comes to matters of the heart, one needs closure, otherwise these things comes back to haunt you.

You cannot fight for love. A person who fights for love deceives themselves and seeks to deceive the other. They will not receive love.

One fights for possession and control - such are the fruits of lust and passion. These are selfish motives and will fade and die in time.

Lust and passion are fine things in their own place and time, and can be traded equally in kind; But not love.

Expect love to be traded equally and you will feel eternally cheated. You will hold a portion of that love and expect more in return. That love you withhold will turn bitter and fester.

Offer love freely and you will never be hurt; you will see it brighten the world for the one who receives it, and in that act you will be repaid with its beauty.

If the one you love loves you also, then you are the richest you can ever be. In the end the love you have accepted is the only thing you can take with you, and the love you give is the only thing of you that will remain after you are gone.

I think each one of us must follow their own path, if we listen to eachother we will never really learn about love, everyone has their own struggles, their own pain and their own minds. Just follow your heart and do what feels right for you, It's what you do right then that matters,in loving their's no future nore past.

Wow, that's an extensive list of questions. Thorough. I don't know how to answer. I came looking for answers on how to fight for my love. Now i have more to ponder upon. Still, good questions. Like you, i've thought that i'm the type that would walk away with dignity intact if the other doesnt think i'm worth it. But now that i seem to be losing the love (if not already lost), i thought i might want to fight for love one more time. The question is where do I draw the line of fighting for love or time to call it a day and move on?

To fight for love?????
I have been talking to this man for 3 years and over time we have fell in love...but now we are at this rock in our relationship where it is like let go or fight for what you belive in,and I am trying but he is it hurts know that I lost the love of my heart to my best friend..I wanted to walk away but I can' heart is still hanging on I just hope his is...never let go to what you belive in..we are writers to our own what I am trying to say is fight for love because it is worth it..

Love is one of the last thing worth fighting for, without it all the joys of the world are simply meaningless. If you truly loved someone with all you had and more than fight cause if you are destined to fail then at least you can tell yourself that you tried. I just feel that its better to try than to wonder "what if". That is my opinion. Curently that is the situation i am in. I love her with all my heart and more, she is worth the fight, i have to at least try and if i am to fail so be it. If the love was strong it simply does not vanish it may still be inside. Instead of simply sitting by and accepting defete i will fight for the love of my life. Go down kicking and screaming, metaphoricly speaking lol, At least i can say that hey you know what i tried.

The comments to this entry are closed.


  • eggbeater

Find Me Elsewhere ~

Chef Resource

  • Chef & Restaurant Database

Eggbeater Archives