Whether you watch TV or not, whether you are pro or anti union, whether you appreciate great plot lines in movies, or not, you probably know about the Writers Strike going on right now, most visibly in Los Angeles, where most TV and film production originates. The Writers Guild of America, West is a powerful union, and the strike an important one. As their industry becomes more and more accessible through Internet connectivity, so goes their hold on what is actually theirs to make a profit on.
It's a complicated issue, no doubt, as there is no strike without two sides having their rights and their wrongs fully felt, but, as the child of two writers I have to say that being a writer is rarely glamorous and although the film industry has been struggling with the black and brown market of Internet "sharing," there is more at stake for a writer with a onetime fee and royalties.
I met a person recently who was out of work because of the strike. Not a writer, per say, but without writers there are no new productions and without new productions, a lot of people are out of work now too. This person, who has asked to remain anonymous, wrote something about the strike and its picket line and I thought I would share it with y'all because, no matter your opinion about any of this, I imagine you will see through the lines of this sardonic piece:
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The picketing instructions also told WGA members to not talk to the press and to not bring hors d’oeuvres. “This is not a posh strike,” one captain said in the message to members.
-- Variety on-line, November 4, 2007
ADDITIONAL PICKETING INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE STRIKE BOARD
In case you were wondering, canapés and tapas count as hors d’oeuvres, so do not bring them to the picket lines either.
Sandwiches made with focaccia, ciabatta, or La Brea bakery breads of any kind should not be brought to the picket lines. Furthermore, prosciutto, seared ahi tuna and Kobe beef are not strike-appropriate sandwich stuffers. Sandwiches deemed acceptable are bologna or turkey on Wonder Bread and canned tuna on the supermarket brand rye of your choice. For the bologna and turkey only regular mustard is okay, not gourmet mustard (see the website for approved brands). The canned tuna should be prepared with non-artisanal mayonnaise, preferably just past its expiration date. Heirloom tomatoes and tomatoes “on the vine” are strongly discouraged. Other tomatoes are acceptable. Avocados and bean sprouts are strictly forbidden. Potato chips served as a side dish with the sandwiches are okay, provided they are not baked, kettle-cooked or organic.
American Cheese, Velveeta, and Cheez Whiz are allowed. Please refrain from bringing imported cheeses, including but not limited to Epoisses, Manchego, Pecorino Ginepro, Extra Aged Gouda, and any and all varieties of Chevre. Do not try to hide any high-end cheeses in your sandwich and think nobody will notice.
Luxury fruits such as Champagne grapes, Asian pears and pomegranates are strongly discouraged. Granny Smith or Red Delicious apples and plain bananas are recommended. Watermelon, cantaloupe and honeydew are bit too difficult to eat on a picket line without the possibility of unsightly dribbling and should be avoided.
“Baby” vegetables other than peeled baby carrots are completely verboten.
Coffee will be allowed as a morning pick-me-up, provided it is sourced from McDonald’s or Winchell’s and served with non-dairy creamer. Gourmet coffees from coffee shops are strictly taboo. Former assistants should not be sent out to get said coffee for you while you are picketing.
Bottled water is okay provided it is “flat.” Sparkling water is unacceptable. Of the flat waters available, Arrowhead and Sparkletts are the official brands of the strike. Evian is extremely provocative and should be avoided. For other beverage choices, warm Diet Coke is acceptable. Tepid Diet Pepsi is barely permissible. Tab at any temperature is absolutely off-limits. The consumption of vitamin waters, boutique sodas, energy drinks, fresh-squeezed juices, exotic teas and Frappuccinos will result in drinkers being banned for life from the guild.
Any member found to be in possession of foie gras, truffles, or caviar in public or private during the strike will be force-fed fifty #4 brass brads or be given two hundred paper cuts with white 3-hole punched 65 lb. card stock, then be made to watch the entire “The Nanny” box set with Fran Drescher’s commentary.
For your own safety and protection, fugu should not be consumed on the picket line unless prepared by a licensed Japanese chef.
Please refrain from taking your post-picketing meals at Spago or The Polo Lounge.
Fast food and pizza are okay on and off the picket line for the duration of the strike, provided they do not violate any of the rules or recommendations noted above.
Please avoid driving your BMW, Jaguar, Range Rover, Bentley, Volvo or Prius to the picketing area. If you must drive, rent what is called a subcompact car (such as the Ford Festiva, Kia Spectra or Chevy Aveo) from a car rental company near you. To reduce the poshness factor even further, make sure the car has a manual transmission, no air conditioning and a broken radio. If you are unable to rent a strike-sanctioned vehicle, please park your expensive vehicle at least two miles from the picket line and do not turn on the air conditioning or radio during your commute.
Taking public transportation is advised, even if it involves a three or more mile walk down to a bus stop on Sunset Boulevard from your recently restored hilltop hacienda or Case Study home, from which you may consider moving until we reach an agreement with the studios. Do not under any circumstances pore over French literary criticism or listen to opera while on the bus (a recommended reading list is posted on the website, where a selection of popular music is also available for download).
Wearing Reeboks, Nikes, Pumas, Merrells, Crocs and the like will result in your being shunned hardcore Amish-style by your fellow writers. The footwear of choice for the duration of the walkout is the white Kirkland tennis shoe.
True Religion, Seven For All Mankind, Antik Denim and any other “designer jeans” should not be worn. Wrangler, Gap and Levis are fine, provided they are too short, acid-washed, and/or make your ass look lumpy.
Official strike t-shirts will be provided. However, if you are chilly and want to wear said t-shirts over an Old Navy long sleeve shirt, that is okay. Those who decide to wear a Banana Republic or Fred Segal long sleeve shirt will be strangled with it and dumped into the nearest tributary of the Los Angeles River.
Any clothing or accessories purchased at or within a five-mile radius of Barneys should be given to charity immediately.
Leave the Patek-Phillipe at home. Dig out the digital Casio or Timex.
Baseball hats are forbidden as they are the universal symbol for DGA members. Other hats are forbidden because they make you look like you are trying too hard.
Designer handbags or satchels from the likes of Prada, Coach and Hermes should be replaced with knock-offs whereon the brand-name is misspelled.
Sunglasses are an unacceptable affectation that will hurt our cause. Only those members in good standing with photophobia and a doctor’s note will be permitted to wear them.
Regular prescription glasses from LA Eyeworks or Oliver Peoples should be replaced with a generic pair from Lenscrafters or Sears with extra thick lenses as soon as possible.
No fur!
What if God forbid you get hit by a car? Do you really want the whole world to see your silk boxers or Belgian lace panties? Please wear threadbare cotton undergarments.
Blackberries, Sidekicks, iPhones, etc. brought to the picket lines will be crushed by your strike captain beneath the cinderblock provided for that purpose to each strike captain. Discreet cell phones are okay in case of family emergencies.
Fashionable sunscreens of any kind should not be applied, unless there is a danger that exposure to the sun will actually result in what might be considered to be a “healthy tan.” Blistered, blotchy, reddened skin will undoubtedly help our cause.
Conditioner or other hair-softening or styling products should not be used, but hair should not be worn in such an unkempt state as to appear trendy.
Fragrances or perfumes other than Old Spice for men or Charlie for women are not allowed. However, deodorant is strongly suggested.
Trips to places like Liguria, Tsavo National Park, and Bali should be deferred until the strike is over.
Masseuses should not be hired to work out picketing-induced kinks in your muscles before, during or after you walk the lines.
All feather pillows in your possession should be replaced with foam pillows from K-Mart that are way too thick and make your neck hurt. Thick towels and/or bathrobes should immediately be replaced with thin towels and no bathrobes. Bedsheet thread counts must not exceed 200.
Strike pickets should be made of splintery pine 1x3s. Finished teak, mahogany or lacquered rosewood pickets have been deemed too fancy.
Please consult your strike captains or the website for further guidance.
Sounds like a Vatican doctrine for lent. You forgot 'no meat' on Fridays.
Posted by: chadzilla | 23 December 2007 at 08:51 AM