Living in Alabama. A Morning Story.

    Do you remember postcards? How about lick-the-stamp letters?

    There was a time when I wrote dozens of postcards and letters a month, hundreds a year, not even that long ago. (I did not own a computer until 2004.) I used to love writing postcards to people who lived close to me because it was a such a silly, sweet surprise to get a traditional I-am-far-away-and-I-wish-were-here sentiment/iconic rendition, from a zipcode or two away!

    I have a friend who still writes me letters. She was once my First Assistant at Citizen Cake and she and I, after a bit of processing and time and coming clean (Oy Vey, enough with the California-therapy, queer-theory-esque  mumbo-jumbo already! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and stop moaning!) became great friends and co-conspirators and all around support and love for each other. Strangely we have had some similar unfortunate experience in common, and over many years, a few time zones and vastly different geography cultures, we have come to share humour over what many would become aghast over.

    In other words, I love this woman and her wacky, quirky self, and she loves me, through thick and thin, and many an odd and crazy rant, and we laugh through each other's sorrows and fears and I am really lucky, and so are you, not merely for this run-on sentence, but because she has agreed to let me publish a letter she wrote to me the other day about one particular, although perhaps "normal," day in Alabama.

    You might remember Melanie Thorn from her seriously in-depth explanation of how to make a perfect cheesecake.

Living In Alabama

A comical story about my morning:

4:03 a.m. Woke up to find out that I live really, really close to the tornado alarm.
Really really close.

4:10 a.m. Figured out it sounds like the banter between the aliens and the humans at the last part of Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

4:13 a.m. Figured out I have no power.

4:14 a.m. Stumble to the kitchen to grab a flashlight.

At this point, every animal in the house thinks we are playing the coolest game in the world.

4:16 a.m. All the cats really really want to play the flashlight game.

4:17 a.m. Dog really wants to go back to bed. So does owner.

Dog is freaked out that branches are hitting the house and winds are shaking the house.
Owner gets dog to come up on bed, and we go back to sleep.
Cats are on their own.

6:30 a.m. Alarm goes off on my cell phone.

6:50 a.m. Finally get up.

6:51 a.m. Oh yeah, no power. Where’s that stove-top coffee percolator?!

7:02 a.m. Take the darkest shower in the world. Kind of zen like.

7:07 a.m. Saying prayers of thank you’s while showering. Thank you for gas water heater, thank you for gas stove, thanks for not blowing a tree on top of my car, etc.

7:22 a.m. Fix coffee - walk around. Try to find clothes in dark.

7:36 a.m. Go outside with dog to check out damage to house.

7:38 a.m. See giant old plum tree that has fallen straight down over my driveway (it’s the one way in one way out only driveway…)

7:39 a.m. Ask God what I need to do with this new information.

7:40 a.m. Get the hand saw out of my tool box and start sawing limbs off.

(I should mention that the dog thinks this is a REALLY fun game, and wants to be sure she stays REALLY close by to help)

8:23 a.m. Finally finish sawing up tree. Moved all parts out of driveway.

8:25 a.m. Take another shower. (Sorry drought, I will make it up to you)

8:42 a.m. Head down Grants Mill Road to go to work.

8:44 a.m. Oh, Grants Mill is closed due to storm damage and downed power lines.

8:50 a.m. Get on 459 to hit 280 to go to work.

9:13 a.m. Arrive at work in jeans and flip flops. (It was almost 80 degrees this morning)
Begins to snow 10 minutes later. !!!!!!! ???? !!!!

11:30 a.m. Go to lunch. Realize then that I have left wallet at home.

1:41 p.m. After freezing my butt off and learning it will go down to 20 tonight, I decide to turn on the heater and hibernate inside my office until it’s time to dash to my car to go home.

How’s your day?

Comments

[Aaron]

Lord that killed me...thanks for the laughs! What a day!

[Kitt]

Ha! She should've stayed in bed.

I wonder what restaurant Melanie Thorn currently works at in Birmingham...I'm from Birmingham and would certainly like to taste some of Ms. Thorn's tasty contraptions.