Baking In A Still Oven.

Means that baked goods don't rise as much.
In fact,
such baked goods, might, in fact
melt
before they rise.
    So, be warned.

Is such still oven, with which you are attempting to bake in, such baked goods,
just happens to be
the "service oven" for the line, you know--
the line, on which nothing ever stops, and no one ever rests,
and you,
who can only be
in the way
needs to crouch down and reach deep
within its very hot metal walls and shelves
to retrieve such melting baked goods,
things can get a bit hairy,
to say the least.

[please don't drop that fried chicken on my head, you pray]

Baked goods love convection ovens, and in turn, convection ovens get their,
not unsubstantial egos,
stroked by light and domed and airy and perfectly browned and
        evenly cooked and crisped and toasted and caramelized and
uniform in every which way,

baked goods, so that the two
shall never separate  {literally, but also figuratively}
consensually.

Still ovens are quiet beasts.
But beasts, nonetheless.
And baked goods, like Johns or puttanescas
like the ol'
to coin A Clockwork Orange
    in-an-out.
Of course there's always a turn.
Top to Bottom
or switch
or,
'I've gone and now it's your turn,'
sort of thing,

They are like guilds, or
marriages or agreements or pairs or,
in maybe less binary terms,
at one with each other's needs, even if there are many others with which they are all at one together.

Still following?

The convection oven has many shelves, many possibilities. There is no
"place pan on middle rack" stagnancy.
For many many cookies can share legroom and not get a crick in the neck while baking if, let's say, with
muffins and cakes and tuiles and even the odd re-heat who happens to join in on the fun.

But the still oven?
[insert grave music. or sound effect to imply gravity]

O  Still Oven. Where is the love? The care? The, "You used to notice when I put on a special outfit for you?"
Where are the sweet nothings? You used to notice when my edges were burning before my middle was golden. You used to make me feel so good when you could swallow a whole sheet-pan at a time.

But now?
I will confess.
I know why I left you.

No amount of creaming butter into sugar into eggs one at a time,
no creaming until light and fluffy and aerated and beurre pomade and emulsifying just right,
can make baked goods rise, proud, like the delicious creatures they will soon be, but
as it needs to be noted,
it is one's eye perceiving deliciousness first
and if flattened cupcakes and concave muffins are spotted,
what more can be said for even crumb, and crispy edge top
when
flat
is what the still oven produces.

O still oven.
You are spited. And there was woe
across the land
for all baked goods
could be heard exclaiming
we are doing all we can do in the stand mixer! here us out! it's true! we do not lie!

The Still Oven.
That stands on The Line
whose door is opened and shut more than an angry couple's on payday in the summer with the only pool on the block and five small children
cannot bake evenly
cannot take care and whirl the wind around, and create
       a n t i c i p a t i o n

                ahhhhhhhhhhh

what will come of this yellow cake? how will these little cocoa cakes perform with yogurt and baking soda? what will the shape be like for those precious little loafette pans?

And the Still Oven
remained still, like a workhorse, a service oven for
plates and chicken and quiche and bacon and cornbread in big black skillets and everything else that might be getting cool, sitting on The Pass,
and sighed out, slowly

Alas, I am a Still Oven.
I make no guarantees.
I am hot, I am wide, I have two shelves,
That Is That.
Such Is Life.

And the baker,
she sighed too, heavy with the weight of every-kitchen-has-a-challenge
you cannot fight
you can only work with
and said,

Oy Vey.

Comments

[Roberto N.]

Instructive and entertaining... Bravo!

[kayenne]

pardon my ignorance... what is a still oven? is it the same as the conventional one, as opposed to the fan/convection ones?

owe to me... my elba is merely a conventional. i need to swap trays when making cookies and cakes and employing two racks at the same time, lest one turns out burnt, and the other pale.

[anita]

I feel you pain. At least at a literal level. :)

for the first two years in this house, every time I baked in our kitchen's old oven I ended up cursing. the day they brought the new Viking with its convection oven (my birthday, of all days) I danced a little jig.

Once you've baked in a fan oven, it's really, really hard to go back.

[carri]

Lets see...cheesecake, pots de creme, boca negra, popovers all work better for me in a still oven...none of that crazy wind...after 20 years of baking i still love the 'still' oven!

[Leif]

"In a perfect world everything would be as stark and void of color as these cupcakes. They are baneful in their absolute disdain for your tastelessness, and are true misanthropes as far as baked goods go."

http://theblackoven.blogspot.com/

[Peter]

funny, but great!

Cheers
Peter

[Judy Harris]

Question on protein in 1C flour--cake versus pastry versus all purpose done by weight. Member of Bakers' Dozen,SF