/i have a crush on you

place i call home
someone in california i've never met
person whose words stay with me, tucked safe, all day. following me like faeries, inquisitive, flirtatious, firey, expansive, temptive.
i have always had a crush on you, red headed girl
city i used to live in and live in again but you're a different city now
red bicycle
fellow who knows and has always known and may always know but who i'll never kiss
farmer and keeper of land and dogs and swimming hole i know as well as my body
Yorkshire girl collecting evidence, wearing pink shoes and being a fierce friend for 20 years this october
co-pastry chef one and also two
treehouse i left behind
succulents
family i've come to know who speak a hundred languages and live where the Eurostar takes a turn
i have a crush on you
s.s. you know who you are. you have a different name and so do i. you write long letters and aren't afraid of my words.
i have a crush on you chocolatey spicy deep taste of freshly roasted ground and espresso'd and hot milked coffee
Bonsoy soy milk
pastry chef camaraderie
Mentoring
inspiring
Neal's Yard Paddy & Rob whom i've never met but whose voices i drink once a week
i have a crush on you
girl with music at her fingertips and an Unlikely name
married bois and that one from Canada who makes me blush when we play Bridge
and you
silver haired LA boyfox who conjured and pulled me here, upon his lifeboat, and fed me delicious cakes and could see my path even when i can't because my eyes are muddy
azo. always i will love you. always i will be seen by you. always i will believe you'll come back down to earth
cb. you are big and bigger and also i remember when your father threw the salad out the window. i will visit that bench in central park and remember our first kiss.
i have a crush on you number four because you're orange and,     well... so there.
bw. because i will never be able to tell you. your brother is a close second because he's so much you, and yet completely opposite.
yes, i know you think it's silly but i have a crush on you aj and your pink tie and practical nature and mostly i love that you give gm what he never would have taken from anyone else. not even me.
i have big long-standing crushes on you euro boys in shepherd's bush who have made me rabbit stew and the best aubergine i have ever had. i love your open open hearts
i have a crush on you hp because you have allowed me to reach in and pull out gently what was there always.
rgl. you are brave in ways you may never realize.
db, of course.
aw who used to be ab with the longest double word score name. you have known me since before i could look back at the person in the mirror
i have a crush on you
ok. your grace stunned me when i walked into your kitchen. i will never be the chef i was before i met you. i know something else now because of you. i know another side of integrity and sharing. and no matter how scared the people i work with are in my future, i will remember how you shared and opened all your doors to me. even though you knew very well what i was doing there.
and you mr x. thank you for being my ally and for teaching me about why Hobarts are the best stand mixers in the world.
i have a crush on you dl from Israel with your scratchy tough exterior and bold tone. you're straight and you'll never see my eyes but i see you. and felt honoured to be on your team.
i have a crush on you ah and tmp because you have years yet to know your power behind the stove. i hope i get to see you tear that cocoon apart and stand as tall as your dna made you.
i have a crush on you too d. spratt and not just for your surname! you knew my name and said it aloud. you saw me and placed me there, even though you don't know it.
i have a crush on you: my Bridge game. because i get to conjure everything my mother taught me, but have the time to learn now.
roy. your camp is infectious. your love of baking is physical, literal, body. it is not about fame but about the alchemy of butter meeting flour and marrying inexplicably, tenderly. your humour is silly but when it comes to the kitchen you swim seamlessly with moving tide and undertow alike.
i have a crush on you new york city, to whom i am about to return. to whom i am indebted to for pages and libraries of adventures, original crushes, heartbreaks, delicious tastes and bitter grief.
i might even have a crush on you u n c e r t a i n t y
because you continue to teach me to put one foot in front of the other even though the horizon is obscured, let alone any forest.
i have a crush on you
life.
even though i never thought i'd say that.
you give unrelentlessly,
everything.
and i have a choice
to pick it up, fold it carefully, and hold it close
if i so choose.
i have a crush on you
heart.
because you remind me i am who i have always been and no amount of hardening
will make you wooden.
will stop you from beating
and having crushes
on you.

Comments

[lovebabz]

I know you are a pastry chef...but damn you are a poet!

I love crushes... always have.

[Jeremy]

They love you I am sure!

[ann w]

and you with the silver tongue and beautiful being always strong but a little bit fragile or maybe a lot fragile but not always showing it, have a crush on you

[Victoria]

Again, you leave me breathless as you eloquently open up your heart to us.

And you're coming to NYC! Yay.

I anxiously await hearing what's next for you.

[Amanda]

Nice one. My blog posts are like love notes to people and places--even the ones I kinda sometimes think I might hate. Your catalogue of crushes--generous and long, sweet and sour, cutely serious, curiously complete.

[Matthew Kayahara]

This is as beautiful as anything you've ever written. Thank you.

[Emily]

wow! that's whole lotta crushes.

[Emily]

I mean.. that's A whole lotta crushes.

[Janice]

I had to read it twice, a day apart; I almost drowned in the middle. The first time, taking it too fast I got swept under, but the second time was a lovely float down the Russian River on a summer day. "since before i could look back at the person in the mirror" *swoon*

[Lauren]

How wonderful, how loving - you're in a good place. Thank you for sharing the gift of your "crush-ability" - it's contagious!