for cooks only; an unapology.

i don't know what inspires you
i don't know who inspires you
i don't know why you continue to get up in the morning
i don't know why you do what you do
i don't know why i didn't die before i turned 30
i should have
that was the direction i was heading
fast
furious

i don't know
and you don't either.
you can't
because it's not ours to know
maybe we can guess
but it really doesn't fucking matter
because all you have is now.
and what is your now?
is life happening to you
or are you in it?

you might be wondering, what is my fucking point here?
I better make it soon because you were just demolished by service and your kitchen was too damn hot tonight and the dishwasher broke in the middle of service and the most expensive protein in the walk in went off and the cream delivery never came in and no one noticed and you're starting with a longer 86 list tomorrow than your prep list
and
and and and.

i don't know what inspires you.
but i hope you know.
at least some of the time
because
it's so important
to know why we do what we do
but I'm not talking about some intellectual bullshit
that's not what you're going to be able to lean into
when you're so tired you can't remember how you got home
even though you aren't drunk or high
and perhaps haven't been
for some time.
a lot of time, even.

i hope you know what inspires, what motivates you, to go on
because you are going to fucking need it.
need it like a vein needs to be tied.
need it like a baby needs to be fed
need it like a dog needs direction
need.
i kid you not, yo.
because when you get home and the voices start
you will need to know why
because when your family or your friends or your partner or your community
call
and call out your name
and call you out
you are going to need to know

why

even if it makes no fucking sense
even if it seems absurd
even if it's absolutely crazy.

it's ok to love it and be passionate but
fire burns bright
and it burns out
and is indiscriminate
in who it burns
along the way.

i wish you a long, slow journey.
i wish you an intentional journey.
i wish for you the strength it takes to make an unapology
to be the kind of selfish that not all the bad kind.
i wish for you humility.
i wish for you a mentor, a teacher.
i wish for you to uncover learning and epiphanies and loyalties
where you least fucking expect it.

this profession takes heart.

serious.

so,
i don't know what inspires you
i don't know who inspires you
i don't know why you continue to get up in the morning
i don't know why you do what you do

but i hope you take some time to think about it

because you will be tested
your heart and your body and your psyche and your original book
and your mind
and your goals
and your ego
will be tested
and you will be slammed up against a wall
over and over and over and over
and you will be challenged
to assess and reassess and
i wish for you

clarity.

i wish for you at least one person in your life
who you know loves you no matter what
mistakes you make
and that you trust that person enough to listen to everything they have to say
even if you're so uncomfortable that you want to zip off your skin and run away forever
because you're going to need people to lean into
when you barely know yourself anymore.
you're going to need to be reminded
why.

Comments

[Christopher Cina]

There are those times when I don't know which way to turn that I wish I had kept my mentor just a little bit longer.

[Jan Sheffner]

Wow. Beautiful, Shuna, beautiful and powerful and true.

[Charles Haynes]

I hope you have people near you to lean into. You've got heart - I don't have enough heart to do what you're doing. If I could I'd lend you some. Take the thought for the deed.

sometimes you can't do anything else

[heavy hedonist]

I am sitting in front of my computer now, trying to write 3000 words of a novel in one day. 3K that will be worth it, not just there. Distracting myself, as I wonder if it's worth it.
Thanks Shuna, it is worth it.

[Stacy]

Thank you for your insightful words. They were what I needed to hear. Peace.

[Jess]

just want to thank you for ALL of your words of wisdom and advice and truth and love you share. im starting tonight at my first 'real' cooking gig at the best joint in town, working under a chef (genius) whom i've admired for a long time.
i take what you say to heart, and im grateful for your guidance. today, on my big day, you've inspired me.

[jenny]

wow. Shudders. Thanks for the awesome poem. Esp the bit about wanting do zip off your skin.

[anastasia]

Beautiful work. I see a book of Kitchen Psalms in your future.

[Hareesh]

amazing post again..love it!

[Anna Johnston]

Yep. You TOTALLY do have to know your 'why' to be in this industry. Well said..... the people who are there for us while we keep loving this crazy industry and giving it our best for the sheer crazy love of what we do really do offer us clarity. Thanks Shauna.

[Andy Little]

Thank you.

[Haan Palcu-Chang]

I've been searching for a blog done by someone actually in the industry. Glad I found this.

I am Canadian but currently cooking at a michelin star restaurant in Copenhagen. Hoping desperately I will be able to save up some money to eat at some of London's restaurant soon.

If you are interested in checking out my blog please do and give me some feedback. I am just starting. Would love to hear some feed back from you.

All the best, keep up the good work.