Dear Ungrateful, Pouty, Self-Entitled, Spoiled Cooks,
Did anyone ever teach you to say Thank You? Out loud?
When was the last time you noticed how accomodating, how helpful, how understanding, how supportive your chef, team, management was? Did you thank anyone? Out loud? Why not? What the fuck are you waiting for?
Have you stopped for one minute to take a look around? When was the last time you helped someone from another department, another station, another side of the kitchen? Do you know the names of the people you work with? Have you tried to learn any kitchen Spanish?
When was the last time you looked at someone else's list and asked them if they needed any help? When was the last time you taught something? Asked to learn something new?
Have you ever asked someone in the restaurant, not in your department, what the challenges of their job are, for them? Have you ever imagined yourself in the dishwasher's shoes?
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Let me tell you a story.
In late 1998 I found myself working at The French Laundry. Now you can say anything you want about that, but it would all be bullshit, unless you were there.
For all the glitter and gilt and faerie dust surrounding this famous restaurant, it was a small, mean, competitive kitchen in a town the size of an elbow in the middle of a mono-cropped valley dedicated to the growing of wine grapes. This meant that on my way to work I watched crop dusters spray poison quietly. This meant that on my way to work I watched tractors kick up soil and on my way home the same tractors, doing the same thing. This meant that on my way to work I watched hot air balloons ascend and thousands of Mexican men tend to the precious vines. It was idyllic and hell. Fake and real.
The winter I arrived the President declared a National State of Emergency for Napa. It rained and flooded and people's livelihoods were taken down the river.
And in the summer, Napa is hot. 120F from 7 am-10pm for 16 days straight hot. You don't pee or sweat or cry hot.
Thomas Keller designed the kitchen that you see today at his restaurant. Every detail thought of by him. Implemented, paid for, by him.
On the very first day I arrived at the restaurant, I noticed the windows. The French Laundry kitchen has windows.
So the day he installed an awning over the walk-in, which was outside, I noticed. That day I did not get soaking wet on my way to and from the walk in. I walked right up to my Chef, and thanked him. Aloud. We shook hands. Because that's how TK works. Manners. Old School. Proper.
I thanked him for the windows too. He looked bewildered.
"This is the first kitchen I have ever worked in with windows in the kitchen. Windows that were not sealed or blocked or locked. Windows that see out, windows that open, that's wonderful. Thank you for doing that, Chef."
You know why?
Because he fucking put them there, that's why.
Because he wanted windows for his staff, for his kitchen. His kitchen: his h o m e. So we could see out, so diners could see in.
I thanked him aloud a lot. Because after working for a bit in this godless industry, I knew.
I knew that nothing should be taken for granted. No one, nothing.
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I think I've spoiled my cooks. Especially my new ones. I give them all their schedule requests. I give them 2 days off in a row. I give them weekends off. Holidays. They get to take home food. They get paid for every hour they work. They get a great staff meal, more than a few times a day. They work 5 days a week. I'm in the kitchen, doing production alongside them, every day. I teach and support and answer questions and problem solve.
You could say they're just doing their job and I'm just doing mine.
And what's there to fucking complain about?
It's common manners they lack. Upper Management offered each and every one of them a gift for their Thanksgiving dinner and not a single one of them a. thanked management or b. took the gift.
I was mystefied. Stunned. Disappointed. Angry. Livid.
Ashamed.
Self-Entitled much?
The self deserving thing? The "I see you do all these things to accommodate me but I want more more more and no I won't say thank you or show my appreciation in any way"? Yeah, no. Yeah, no and fuck you very much.
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When you are ungrateful you disrespect your fellows, your parents, your kitchen, your support staff, your chef.
When you are ungrateful you disrespect yourself.
When you can't say "Thank You," outloud, for anything... Those gifts? That support? Those schedule requests? Those days off in a row? That list I let you pass off to someone else? That raise? That set schedule? Those holidays off? Yeah, they stop happening. poof! D i s a p p e a r.
Gratitude.
Put it in your attitude.
Right quick, yo.
Thank your train conductor for getting you home safe. Thank the cashier at the grocery store. Thank the dishwashers. Every fucking day, yo. Treat the dishwashers with the respect you think you deserve for once. Thank the cooks who make your staff meal. Thank your chef for taking the time with you. Thank the Sous Chefs because their job is thankless. Thank the architect for the high ceilings and the incandescent lightbulbs. Thank the service staff for selling your baked goods.
EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU DESERVE WHAT SOMEONE IS GIVING YOU, SAY THANK YOU ANYWAY.
{Esteemable acts build self respect.}
Thank you could go viral.
Say Thank You. Give it freely. Give it out a lot. Give it aloud. Shake people's hands, look them in the eye. These little old fashioned things? They mean the world. To even the most cynical, modern youth.
Give Thanks. And not merely on Thanksgiving. Believe me when I say a little goes a long long way on the road to earning respect in this industry: cooks do not get respect without earning it first.
Say Thank You and Mean It. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Thankful is a verb, an action. If you mean thank you then you act thank you then everyone feels your gratitude.
Gratitude.
Put it in your attitude.
Or at least think about what I've said.
If you're lucky, you'll be able to thank me later.
Chef,
I don't know when I came upon your blog, but I know I found it one day and have read it ever since. I wanted to say thank you to you, not because I think that's what you wanted out of this post but because your posts constantly remind me to humble myself and to say thank you to my chef and sous chef and all those around me who are so talented and easy going about everything (even beyond the items you mentioned doing for your staff). Thank you for reminding me with your posts that I read when I'm winding down from service that I do this for a reason and there is a right and wrong way to act in a kitchen.
Thank you.
Posted by: Nick | 25 November 2010 at 03:32 AM
Amen. I am thankful for you, Chef.
Posted by: Mary | 25 November 2010 at 07:02 AM
That really sucks.
I'm thanking you for this blog. It's because of you that my pie crust went from who know what I'll get to amazing every time. I tell every baker I know about your blog. You have inspired me to do new things and veer from a recipe I've never tried. When I have something to make I check here first. So thank you.
I can't believe not one of them said those two words. I spent a summer as a dishwasher in a tiny kitchen, and it was one of my favorite places to work because we all respected and appreciated each other and said lots of thank yous. Within weeks I was plating deserts and before the summer was out I had made a soup that ended up on the menu. And no matter how hot it was or how much we bumped into each other there wasn't a day that went by there that I didn't have fun. I hope your cooks wake up soon. I'm off to make pumpkin apple pie.
Posted by: Rani M | 25 November 2010 at 08:48 AM
Dear Shuna,
I've been following your blog with great interest for some time.
YOU INSPIRE ME!!
And I can not thank you enough for that.
I usually don't write in comment boxes but the least I can do now is follow your advise.
Thank you,
Mathijs
A chef working in Langkawi, Malaysia
Posted by: Mathijs | 25 November 2010 at 09:03 AM
I'm thankful for your blog Shuna. Max and I miss you, wish you were here for Thanksgiving! Have a good one!
Posted by: Summer | 25 November 2010 at 10:47 AM
Thank you Shuna! Where did all these minimally talented prima donnas come from? I say it's the generation that was constantly told by their parents what lil' geniuses they were. (As in "You are NOT going to believe what my lil genius did today!!!!!") And another thing... a chef jacket does not equal a chef. It takes years, a lifetime to perfect our craft. If you have stopped learning that does not mean you're a chef. It means that you are a quitter ,a big ole fat-headed spoiled quitter. Don't get me started and oh yeah, Happy Thanksgiving!-DL
Posted by: David Leyva | 25 November 2010 at 01:04 PM
Once again, you tell it like it is. Thank you
Posted by: michelle | 25 November 2010 at 01:11 PM
I know how you feel, Shuna. I teach at a university, and each semester I work with students who expect high marks for mediocre work--and who seldom express gratitude. Are they spoiled? Yes. Are they beyond helping or beyond hope? Never. Anyway, thank YOU for these many years of brave, thoughtful, moving words (and pictures).
Posted by: Evan Elliot | 26 November 2010 at 02:10 AM
You rock Shuna, I love that you say it like it is. I've posted this on my FB page to share with over 1,000 chefs from around the world.
Have an awesome Thanksgiving & 'Thankyou'
Posted by: Anna Johnston | 26 November 2010 at 03:14 AM
I am especially grateful of the dishwashers in every restaurant. They keep the machine running and we all depend on them.
One thing I am always amazed about is that most people don't even know the name of the dishwashers or care to know it.
Thanks for this blog, you are one great inspiration.
Posted by: Laura | 26 November 2010 at 09:21 AM
Gosh, well I have to make sure to say thank you to you and to everyone I've worked with, I hope I don't become complacent like that. What a shame that those people didn't appreciate everything that you and others have done for them.
Posted by: Jenny | 26 November 2010 at 08:00 PM
I have an amazing chef. She works SO hard to make our lives easier, make our schedules work. She comes in on her days off and is there for us at the other end of a phone when she's not there. She makes me want to work harder just to keep up. And it's not just kitchen issues she deals with, but she listens to all our bitching and all our drama. I don't know how to thank her for that. Two little words aren't big enough. But I can hope they make a start. Thank you chef. Thank you all chefs for all your hard work.
Posted by: Ann | 27 November 2010 at 01:49 AM
Thank you Shuna, because of this blog I have become a good baker. There are countless posts that you have written that I come back to review time and again. Every once in a while someone asks me a question about cake, I almost always send them to your post "Why do cakes sink". You take time to teach what others don't. Thank you. Arrogance is what you are dealing with in those employees who didn't take a gift that was worth receiving. In my own office last year I heard many gripe about the christmas gift bonus they received. I reminded them that it was a gift that we weren't expecting (no one knew a bonus was coming), and that our boss was trying to do something kind for us. It didn't even occur to them that there were people without jobs or homes, who weren't getting a paycheck, much less a bonus so they could go christmas shopping. Those people and others like them, for some strange reason always feel like they are victims of society and ALWAYS need something to complain about. There is not a lick of volunteerism in them either, those same people do nothing to aid community projects that we help out with. It angers me, but it also makes me really sad for them, because they do not understand the delight of giving without ever expecting a return.
Posted by: Vivian | 27 November 2010 at 02:41 AM
You go girl! I love it! "Please" and "thank you" go a long way. And come to think about it, after you say "thank you" or before saying it even, BAG YOUR OWN FUCKING GROCERIES!!!!!
Posted by: Kelley Gibler | 27 November 2010 at 10:57 PM
holy shit!! love ur blog, brutal honesty, no bullshit. wish someday i can work for and learn from someone like u...
Posted by: liz | 29 November 2010 at 12:26 PM
thank you!.
For the awesome blog, and for the few minutes every once in awhile I get to read it.
Posted by: kim | 29 November 2010 at 11:00 PM
i see that you are very angry of this person, but it's not a singular problem, it happens everywhere. after reading your post i felt relieved, and i will share this post with some of my co-workers, they feel they deserve everything and do nothing to worth it or say thank you for it.
Posted by: Cathleen | 30 November 2010 at 04:24 AM
"esteemable acts build self respect"....what a great point you made with those few words!
The problem that we so often have seems to be our inability to distinguish self respect from self love!
Thanks for a very sobering post.
Posted by: Christine | 30 November 2010 at 06:42 AM
OMG!!! THANK YOU! for posting this. I am so tired of the general lack of just plain manners, the entitlement camps, and the attitudes of some of the people I have shared kitchens with. It's been to the point that now I feel that if I ever step into a professional kitchen again, it will be MY OWN, with people who have gratitude and a basic understanding of what it means to be humble, to help, to share, and to appreciate....Love your blog, read it whenever I have access, just thought you'd like to know.
Posted by: Oliverde | 13 December 2010 at 11:23 AM
I once got a severe reprimand for walking off the line (not busy, end of night) to give a dishwasher a glass of ice water because he looked like he was going to pass out. I got screamed at and was told that if i ever did that again I would be terminated. none of the savory that i was cooking was jeopardized, all out on time.
Posted by: Linda Kinsman-Saegert (I.C.E '99) | 31 December 2010 at 09:53 AM