how to mentor, manage, inspire, push, listen to, grow, promote, share with, challenge and send off cooks.

Chefs are {in}famous for posessing many traits. Patient & Understanding are not two of them. Not high on the list at any rate. We're famous for more popular antonyms like hot-tempered and unforbearing. We bristle at critique, take everything personally, and have a hard time listening to reason on the job. We don't love change. Especially the change that comes when a cook gives notice.

I have worked for all kinds of chefs. I wanted to work for as many chefs as I could before "becoming one myself." I saw as many management styles as I did kitchens. The chefs who struck me the most were the ones pushed, challenged, listened to, grew, mentored, inspired, learned from and sent off their cooks when their "time had come" in said kitchen.

It takes incredible generosity, grace, maturity, humility, confidence and intuition to be such a chef. A chef has to know when a cook can go no further under their wing, in their kitchen, in one location. Said chef has to have been paying attention to said cook throughout the entirety of their term. From interview to stage to hire.

I have said this before and I will never stop saying it: Do not waste your precious time learning this life-long craft in a kitchen where the chef only looks at you like a warm body. Do not work for one minute more in a kitchen where you are not learning, not being challenged, not growing. There are so many fucking kitchens to make no money in. You might as well struggle to make ends meet under the tutelage of a chef who matters and to whom you matter. 

A chef I used to work with used to say there are 2 kinds of chefs: The Sharing and The Stingy/self-serving ones. The Sharing Chef will always talk about their sous chef, their chef de cuisine, their staff. The Sharing Chef will eat at other restaurants and talk about other chefs besides the ones under their jurisdiction. The Sharing Chef will tell other chefs about great products they've found. The Sharing Chef will share staff. Sharing Chefs sometimes trade cooks before promoting them in their own kitchens. Sharing Chefs do not poach.

The Sharing Chef is not a touchy feely person with only pleases and thank yous and nicey nice things to say all the time and smiling and handing you the kool-aid and giving you sick days and knowing the name of your dog and giving you your birthday off.

The Sharing Chef can kick your ass so hard your spine ends and your thighs begin. The Sharing Chef can make you cry on the line, and keep working. The Sharing Chef can blackball you and call you names in languages you don't understand. The Sharing Chef can scare the shit out of you, down to your core, and help you to understand that she/he knows everyone in the business and you better not fucking burn that bridge. 

The Sharing Chef, afterall, has the same pressures as the narcissistic one. Margins to meet, food costs to keep down, GM's to reckon with, owners to keep happy, diners to feed, dishwashers to fix, cooks to train, walk-ins to clean, invoices to log, uniform companies to argue with, fish to scale, burns to treat, and so on.

The Sharing Chef can help you get the next job as much as The Stingy Chef, but there are distinct differences.

The Stingy Chef barely teaches. The Stingy Chef believes their own hype. The Stingy Chef is often bitter. The Stingy Chef will watch you do something wrong/incorrect/inefficient and never correct you. The Stingy Chef will take credit for your work when it's great and put your name on what's wrong. The Stingy Chef doesn't mind a cook who isn't growing, learning, asking questions. "The Stingy Chef wants you to know s/he is the best and doesn't particularly want to "prove it" to you-- either because s/he is a secret shoemaker or because to "bring you up" is to face the possibilty of you being better than s/he."

Sometimes a Sharing Chef will look like a Stingy Chef because you're so fucking cocky the only way they can put you in your place is to make you 'beg' for knowledge. Chefs who have worked for dozens of years despise a cook who thinks they know it all after five minutes in the business. Some Sharing Chefs are quiet. Very Quiet. Silent even. Sometimes you have to watch them, be in their kitchens, show your dedication, for years, before you realize you are learning from them.

It's possible that The Stingy Chef and The Sharing Chef are the same person. It's possible both kinds of chefs are who you'll be.

But you have a choice. An active, intentional choice. A choice is something you decide, you make. You don't fall into choice by mistake.

See the red flags? They're not waving you in.

Many chefs are at the helms of stoves are just cooks in disguise. All it takes is a white jacket. Chef is a self designated title. A lot of people can cook in a professional kitchen. As many people can "become chefs," if they have the desire.

But it's not the word Chef,

It's what you do with that position
It's what you do with that title
It's what you do with that rush of power
It's what you decide will be your management style
It's how you decide to repay what was given to you
It's how you choose to be remembered by your cooks, your industry
It's your integrity
It's your standards
It's how much patience you have for your own journey in the craft
It's how much you understand what craft means
It's how hard of a look you'll be brave enough to muster the courage for, to see yourself for all you are
It's how much humble pie you can swallow, whole
It's how many tears of joy and struggle you're willing to admit will be on your horizon

that matters.

Can you handle the tedium? Can you do the same thing day after day, kitchen after kitchen, city after city, year after year?

Craft. A verb. A noun. A daunting task. An unforgiving journey. Un unattainable goal. A life spent asking unanswered questions.

*

Some concrete examples:

When I worked at Gramercy Tavern there was a cook on the line who was clearly kicking everyone's ass. I watched, I learned, I admired. It was obvious she was ready to be a sous chef. Tom gave the ok, but said 'You have to do something first. You have to work somewhere else more formidable first, for two years, and then you can come back here a sous. You'll work at Le Bernadin.'

When I worked at Citizen Cake our savoury chef worked all of his cooks through the stations and when they could not learn any more from him he gave them an end date and helped place them in their next jobs.

The first chef I worked for gave me reading assignments {before the internet-- I had to go to the Library} and lent me books to study. 

When Thomas placed me at Bouchon, after working at The French Laundry, in my first Pastry Chef role, I said I wasn't ready. To which he replied, 'You'll never be ready. I'll put you in shoes too big and when you fill them you'll know it's time to move on.'

Sherry Yard told me once, before interviewing dozens of pastry cooks, 'You want to hire people who want your job. They're the one's who will keep you on your toes. They're the one's you'll learn from.'

When I arrived in London for my month long interview/trail at The Bread Factory the owners wanted me to replace the pastry chef they had in place. When I went into his kitchen under other pretenses--of course he knew-- he not only did not let on but made me feel at home in the most humble, gracious, generous, gorgeous way possible.

*

These are the chefs I aspire to be like. Not the chefs who put their name all over my work every time I received press under their roofs. When a cook gives me a proper notice I honor their last weeks, days, hours, with the same respect they've shown me in their resignation.

I want to to teach cooks what I was taught.

These are hard lessons. Chefs don't put their arms around their cooks and teach them the ways... That shit is the stuff of two dimensional fairy tales.

Not every cook is the right fit in your kitchen. Not every cook can handle promotion. A cook can look ready and deteriorate under middle management pressures. Not every cook makes a chef who is a leader and a teacher or can delegate effectively. Some cooks continue to lie to themselves and you no matter how hard you push them, toward the truth.

Craft. It doesn't arrive on your doorstep, wrapped neatly, or bubblewrap protected. It doesn't arrive. Ever.

You have to find a teacher. Teachers. Mentors. You have to move. You have to want. You have to desire. You have to fight. You have to keep knocking on doors even when none of them open. You have to follow-through. You have to suit up, show up and shut up. 

And chefs? We're in charge, yes, but we're fallible. We make mistakes. Watch us. Watch how your chef acts when she/he makes a mistake. Watch to see if your chef grows too. No one wants to work in stagnation. That water fucking stinks.

There's a difference between patience for repetition and boredom/stagnation. Careful of bouncing from one kitchen to the next-- thrill seeking, if you will. Oftentimes if you can handle the boredom that comes with month after month of sameness, a year passes and you take the elevator down a floor, to the next level of intimacy with that chef, that team, that cuisine, that menu, those four seasons and their ensuing dishes.

Patience has its rewards.

I could not Chef, mentor, inspire, push, challenge, promote, share with, listen to, manage or send off cooks well until I had experienced being a cook under the tutelage of chefs who did these things for me and other cooks around me.

I could not do or be any of these things, until I made the choice that this was the kind of chef I wanted to be. Until I made the choice that this was the mark I wanted to make.

I could not be any of these things to my cooks until I understood

we keep what we have by giving it away.

Comments

[Josh lanning]

Amazing. Thanks for that. Absolutely perfect.

[mario]

working on four diffrent continents, slaving in front of the stoves,sweared at and eating humble pies through out my career, today i am far away of being a good chef but, i am so excited of where i am heading too nevermind the pain,sweat,joy and tears it will bring!!! chefs for life
p.s i will follow you;-)

[Art]

I really enjoy reading your blog. I am not a cook or a chef. I aspire to be, but may be too old to go for it. If I ever do, you are the kind of chef I'd like to become. You, just from what I read on your blog/twitter, seem to be just what you described - the sharing variety of course :)

[Taylor Petrehn]

Awesome.

[Mike Knowlden]

Thanks for this piece, solid advice and beautiful sentiment. Your closing comment is key, Sat Bains in Nottingham (UK) said exactly the same in a recent interview, great point.

[Michael Natkin]

Tremendous post, Shuna.. and as usual, what you say doesn't need much editing to apply in any walk of life. It doesn't pay to go through life with the stingy, zero-sum, controlling mindset. Just keep giving things away. Amen.

[g.c.]

Thank you for this post and the insight you give on the industry. Also thanks for the recommendation, I had the MOST AMAZING mexican scallions from La Superior!

[Samar Shraim]

Thank you so much for all of your entries, I loved this a lot. I'm a young cook and I want to one day become a leader and teacher in the kitchen. This is beautiful and inspiring.

[Shanti]

This applies to everyone who is a boss, has a boss or wants to be in one of those categories someday. I hope you don't mind if I share your post.

[J B]

Refreshing! Thank You Chef!

[Charles Haynes]

Thanks Shuna, this is gold. Like most of the things you write the lessons are much more widely applicable.

[Haan Palcu-Chang]

So true.

[Jeremy Rodriguez]

I stumbled across your blog the other day and ended up spending the entirety of it reading it all. There are times when you always stop and think, "Am I doing the right thing?", and then I read something like this and it re-affirms why I love it. Thanks for keeping the desire alive.

[Brittney]

Shuna just Brilliant! I am a young cook and I find your wisdom very truthful, encouraging &inspirational.
I am learning a lot from you. It's making me a better cook. Thank you!

[qui_ca]

God, I love your writing. I work in a museum and supervise a staff of about 10. What you say about working with staff on this blog - both this post and in other places - just rings so true with me. Thank you!

[Brain Cox]

Thanks,Shuna for this awesome post. U r a great chef. Everyone who want be a chef will like you and your post...

[Saffoula]

As a mentor, mentee, business owner, and boss (in another industry), I found your post spot on and inspiring. Loved the line, "You have to suit up, show up and shut up."

[Ivan Maminta]

Very well put. It took me a long time to find my mentor, a sharing chef that made me realize I could do better.

[Angelo Mavridis]

I love this post, ifeel it.. so true, i want to print this out and hand it around the kitchen at work.... Respect!

[Kathy Picardal]

Thank you Chef. I was recently told about your blog by my Chef Instructor and I am so glad. Your words are inspiring but even more than that, they're not candy coated. Everyday i see people in class that don't understand what it means to work hard. Put on the uniform, show up, and be ready to work and learn, and even then, you are not guaranteed a job. Gotta learn to stand before you can learn to walk. I'm working on it. I'll definitely be keeping up with your blog. Thanks again.

[susan]

wow thank you so much for this. i actually just got laid off from the financial industry and am making a career change into the restaurant industry at the age of 30. i'm working part-time prepping and working the line. i worked for a few months at a restaurant last year and decided to leave because of the "stagnation". at the new restaurant now and feeling much more inspired and motivated. i feel like i will learn so much from this chef and his team. i've worked only five shifts so far and have already gotten encouragement to pursue this. i feel really lucky to be in this position.

"Do not work for one minute more in a kitchen where you are not learning, not being challenged, not growing." --- THANK YOU.

[Alicia Weir]

Well written. Have you read 'Tuesdays with Morrie' btw? Strange that I thought of that one...but it's the ultimate mentoring story.

[La Petite Pastry Monkey]

Your writing has always resonated with me and this piece more so than others as I had just left my Pastry Cook position. Thank you for putting things in perspective.

[Sarah]

Shuna, thanks for reminding me why I chose this batshit-crazy path to begin with.

[stephen frei]

Shuna,
I just recently discovered your writings. I was searching for "how to be a better sous chef" and ran across your article about sous'. I laughed, teared up a bit, and basically felt all the emotions while reading. For me, this speaks volumes.I ahve since read all the pieces on your blog, and would just like to say thank you! In this crazy business we all sometimes lose track of our path, what brought us here, and where we are headed.
I am currently in a very difficult situation as a sous, being called on to defend my chef daily (frankly, many times he doesnt deserve defence, but i do anyway), his actions selfish, his work ethic poor, cleanliness non existent etc etc etc.......i am trying to stay the cpourse and hope it is noticed by the mngmt above, and not just the satff below, but that is tough.
Your words have inspired me to strive to be better.....hold my head high, work the longer hours than he, for half the money. Again thank you......i will share your words with my many friends in this business. I ahve been cooking/cheffing/ kitchendogging for 35 years. I love the biz........
Stephen

[Mark Mullaney]

Chefs definitely need more encouragements. TV shows like Hells Kitchen seem to only discourage people from doing what they love (cooking).

[Amber Davis]

I just want to say thank you. Thank you for telling me exactly what I needed to hear. Honestly I have really long way to go but to have a mentor pushing me and guiding me would be awesome. thank you again